August 27, 2009
No rhyme or reason
How is it possible that whenever you are feeling down on love, no matter what station you tune to on the radio, no matter what the time of day, no matter if it’s English or Spanish, you get a melancholy love song? And furthermore, how is it possible that when you get the one song that can put you over the edge, make you roll your eyes, shout out “Really?” and immediately change the station, the next stop on the dial is inevitably playing something by Air Supply?
As you know, my friend had surgery this week and has been recovering at my home. I met this friend through an old love of mine. I never really liked her if the truth be told because while for her he was just a friend, he always loved her and it was hard for me because I thought he was the great love of my life and deep down I believed that she was his. In having her with me this week and the intimacy that comes with taking care of someone, I am seeing him for the first time though her eyes and he looks different. I loved him as he loved her and she did not love him as he did not love me. It’s not complicated or particularly sad, it’s just life. There is no rhyme or reason to who we love or why and no explanation for who loves us or why. I tend to spend a lot of time wondering why things happen like they do and she has shown me this week that it does not matter. In the end we all love each other in the ways we are able and are better people for having walked the path together because we all learned and grew and are happy now. Regardless of how a relationship begins or ends, love remains the same. In her being here to heal she has helped heal me.
I will be sad when my friend leaves. It’s been a pleasure taking care of her and our friendship is now based on her and me and no longer has ties to the past. She is my friend and even though she is too young to even know who Air Supply is, I love her anyway. By love her anyway I mean is she kidding? She did not know who Air Supply was and when I showed her “I’m all out of Love” on youtube, she pointed out that it was released in 1980 and she was born in 1982. Come on! She is closer in age to my son than to me. It’s just not right.
I am grateful that I was able to accept her hand when she extended it in friendship and not allow my ego to interfere. Finding light in a place where you thought there was only darkness is a lovely reminder of why we should always keep the faith.