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August 24, 2009

Be brave

http://www.jewishjournal.com/blog/item/be_brave_39090824/

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At a pool party yesterday my friends all had plenty to say about my recent trip into Datingville.  My “go to single guy friend Ari” certainly had a lot to say about the turn of events and I was surprised that some of it hurt my feelings.  Not in a “why is he being so mean and hurting my feelings” kind of way, but more in a “is that really how you see me” kind of way. 

I don’t think that searching for love should be at any cost.  There are so many people who say they don’t want to be alone yet make no effort to meet anyone.  On no level is my desire for love about filling some emptiness within me. While I believe that love can find you, I also believe that we live in a busy world and I will increase my odds if while I’m waiting, I’m also looking.  There is something romantic about someone who has loved and lost and is willing to love again.  That said I am not desperate or trying to force a square peg into a round hole.  I don’t put myself out there because I love dating but rather because I am looking for my Beshert.  I would rather go out on a hundred dates to find the right man than date three men and take the best of the bunch just to have someone.  I’m not going to get lazy and settle. No one should ever settle.

I look at my life and my son and I know my blessings are abundant and there is nothing missing.  If my life remained exactly as it is now, I would continue to feel blessed.  It is because my life is so rich that I want to share it.  Not to make it better but to make it fuller. Having a man in my life will make my life different because it adds companionship, romance and grown up elements that I feel are essential.

I have been hurt and yet I don’t allow it to block my path.  It has added some hurdles but they can be overcome and I’d rather have a few blocks in my path to jump over than just stand still with no movement because I have become complacent.  I’m not into games or lies or pretending to be something I’m not.  I believe that we must be our true selves from the very first phone call, not just the first date, as that is what will get us a second date not the promise of being someone better once I know I can trust them.  I will go all in and take the risk.  I think the mark of a true romantic is when hope trumps fear and cynicism is left out all together.

Dating is difficult.  It takes time and you have to invest in it and that is difficult for someone like me because I move slowly and have a rather extensive vetting process.  I am very cautious and careful to not introduce just anyone to my son.  When he spends time with his dad is when I date so my time is limited and valuable and I need to plan out how I use it because when he is home he is my focus.  There is a huge leap and jump between dating for a single girl and dating for a single mother.  Regardless of what the differences are however, what is required of everyone, male and female, is that we be brave.

I like it that I’m open and hopeful. It’s not about finding prince charming or a knight in shining armor as much as it’s about just riding off into the sunset with someone.  My desires are based on romance not fairytales and in the end both Ari and I will find love in our own ways and in our own times.  We will remember back on this time and laugh at how we both made our way to our Besherts.  Of course I will get there first, but don’t worry Ari because I will wait for you and you can come over for dinner with me and my new husband anytime you want and we will support you and your vision of love magically coming to you on the wings of a unicorn with a full orchestra playing in the background. 

As always I am keeping the faith but today I’m going to hold it a little closer as I am keeping it for both of us.

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