Jewish Journal

You can trust me

by Ilana Angel

August 22, 2009 | 1:10 pm

I am generally an optimistic and trusting person.  I choose to believe that people are inherently good and will give them the benefit of the doubt unless they show good cause that I shouldn’t.  Lately however I find myself becoming a little more cynical, which is heartbreaking.  When someone tells me that I can trust them I immediately wonder if I can.  If someone feels the need to say it, I question if it’s simply a statement or a red flag.  I am not always comfortable with the feelings that “trust me” invokes.  When you start dating someone new, at what point can you really trust them?

Those of you who have been following my blog have a pretty clear view that I think single people finding love at this stage of life are walking uphill.  I put myself out there in a completely open way with no hidden agendas.  I am approaching my search with an open mind and an open heart and I can’t help but feel a little crushed when people don’t offer the same.  It’s not because I’m stupid or naïve that it’s hurtful, it’s because I am honest and have feelings.

Last night someone who I thought I could trust let me down.  In the big scheme of things it’s not a huge deal.  The world did not end, there was no bloodshed and the sun will eventually come out again this morning.  It is disappointing however to put yourself out there and have someone not appreciate it.  I’m going to assume that it was not deliberate or intentional because that is how I am, but with that said, it still really hurt and has left me with questions that will go unanswered which is both hard to understand and sad.  I will hold my head high, remain a lady and wish “Richard” and his “girlfriend” all the best.

So I’m heading back to the drawing board.  What I thought held promise is now apparently not worth any further investment which is really horrible because there was a window of opportunity where it could have been explained.  I write every day about how important I think it is to keep the faith.  For me faith is everything.  In times of great sorrow or divine happiness I am better able to accept what is happening if I hold my faith close.  After this unfortunate turn of events my blog today will not end with my keeping the faith but rather with a message to those who are lost, struggling or treating others unkindly or without honesty, I hope that you will find your faith.

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