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Weekend Update

by Ilana Angel

August 8, 2009 | 6:12 am

I hope everyone had a lovely Friday night and enjoys their weekend.  My son left today for a holiday with his dad.  They are going on a great adventure and I know he will have a wonderful time.  That said, when he left I walked around my home for about 20 minutes thinking to myself “What do I do now?”  I cried for a minute and by a minute I mean an hour.  Then my delicious son called to tell me he loved me and would miss me and all was well in the world again.  I decide that I am going to take myself out for dinner.  I go to my local sushi place, take a seat at the bar and settle in for some yumminess.  I am sitting next to a cute couple and little did I know I was about to have a front row seat to the most entertaining show ever.  It turns out to be reality TV, without the TV, at its best.

In the interest of protecting the innocent let’s call the girl “Crazy” and the boy “Poor Guy”.  So I’m sitting next to Crazy and she reaches over and takes a sip out of my water.  She immediately realizes she has grabbed the wrong glass and tells me she is sorry.  I assure her it’s no big deal and I ask the waitress for another glass of California Tap.  Crazy asks me if I’ve eaten there before and so I tell her I have and after finding out they have not, I make a couple of recommendations of my favorite things. 

I’m eating and minding my own business when Crazy turns to me and says “Do you think it’s weird that this is our third date and he does not know anything about me because all we talk about is him?” Is she kidding?  At this exact moment I’m pissed at myself for not having a pad and pen or even better my laptop so I can just start blogging right then and there.  I say “Excuse me?” with the hope that I heard her correctly.  She asks me again if I think it’s weird.  I tell her that maybe he doesn’t know that much about her because she has not volunteered the information.  I tell her that sometimes as women we tend to listen more in the early stages of dating so we can get a handle on who we are dealing with knowing that once we settle in we will not stop talking and it will all balance out.  So Crazy, bless her heart, says “No!  He never asks anything about ME it’s always about HIM.”  Then she starts to cry.

Poor Guy is sitting there with his mouth hanging open not sure what to do or say and clearly floored that this is happening at all.  He leans over her and says to me “Oh my God.  What is happening?  I thought we were having a nice time and I can’t believe she is doing this with a complete stranger.  We should just go.”  I tell Crazy that she needs to relax and everything will be ok and maybe they should go so they can talk privately.”  They are now creating a bit of a scene as she is a slobbering mess and the sushi guys are clearly talking about her in Japanese because everyone who works there comes to get a front row seat to the action.

This is the part of the story where Poor Guy becomes “Idiot”.  He looks at me and says “I’m really sorry but this chick is nuts.  We’ve had three dates and she wants to know where I am every second, why I don’t call her twenty times a day and when am I going to meet her mom.  I’m seriously over the whole thing.  I’m gonna go.”  He takes out his wallet, gives her sixty bucks tells her to pay for dinner and tells me she lives about six blocks away and can I driver her home.  He tells me sorry and looks at her and says “There is a reason that you are 32 and alone.  Get some help.”  And with that, he is out!  Even I, who has a million dating horror stories, can’t make this stuff up. 

Crazy is now hysterical and I’m struggling to be supportive of her while trying to remember it all until I get home and can write it all down.  Crazy and I ended up having a lovely dinner, on Idiot thank you very much, and then I drove her home and assured her that everything would be fine.  I feel sad for her.  She is lovely and pretty and while she is a little intense, she meant well.  As women we want to believe that every first date could be our last.  That we are able to get to a third date can in itself be a miracle.  I can barely find someone I want to see twice so getting to three dates means that there’s some potential.  On the other hand, its women like Crazy who make it hard for the rest of us ladies.  Idiot will go into his next relationship jaded and bitter and will tell the story about Crazy to his friends and they will talk about how all women are the same and he’s better off without her and he should date a bunch of chicks only one time so he doesn’t have to deal with this crap again.  In her attempt to somehow fast track her relationship after three dates, she ruined it for not only herself but for all the single women who will meet Idiot and think he could be the one.

If only Idiot could have been a little less crazy and Crazy could have been a little less of an idiot it might have ended differently.  I think the moral of today’s blog is that 1) Being single totally sucks.  2) Chances are you are not going to get married after three dates.  3) You can be a little less crazy and a little less of an idiot if you just remember to keep the faith.

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