Jewish Journal

Time for thicker skin

by Ilana Angel

September 4, 2009 | 12:03 pm

I don’t understand how it is that people who don’t know me are so readily able to be unkind based on my harmless little blog.  This morning I woke up wondering if my skin was thick enough to be a blogger.  It’s silly really that I would allow a complete stranger to have such power over me.  The thing is that I got a comment on one of my entries yesterday that really hurt my feelings.  It did not make me angry or scared, it did not make me rethink what I had written or cause concern that I had hurt their feelings, it simply hurt mine. 

I wrote an entry a few days ago called “Smile for the camera” that talked about how sad it is that I don’t have many pictures of me and my son together as he’s grown up.  We’ve had so many adventures and been so many places but the majority of our pictures are of him and I talked about how if I could go back I would have captured more pictures of us together.  After reading my posting, “LAReader” felt compelled to write the following: 

“Wow, if you got divorced with a 6-month old, you may have really bad judgment in men, or you may be really hard to live with.  Maybe dating is not the thing you should be doing, and just accept life as unmarried, and focus on your son and religion.”

This person does not know what the circumstances were that caused my divorce.  It was not poor judgment that led to my marriage.  I have a fantastic child from that union and he has all the best parts of me and his dad and I would not change one single thing about my marriage, including when it ended, if it meant I would have this child and be with him right here, right now.

All of my relationships have brought something to my life and just because they ended does not mean they were bad men or that I am hard to live with or have bad judgment.  Sometimes lessons need to be learned and each broken romance has made me stronger and wiser and one step closer to meeting my Beshert.  My goal in life is not to get married.  My goal is now, as it has always been, is to be happy and share my life with a man that I love and respect who will love and respect me and my son.  I can have that and still focus on my child and my faith.

My blog is just my opinion and thoughts on my own life.  It’s not brain surgery or rocket science.  I appreciate that people are reading it and have opinions and take the time to write to share their thoughts with me.  I suppose I even appreciate it when someone hurts my feelings because it makes me grateful for my life and my wonderful son.  It reminds me to look at the bigger picture. 

You hurt my feelings “LAReader”.  That’s all.  My spirit is intact.  I will continue to blog.  I will continue to search.  Perhaps the lesson here is that I need to toughen up a little, get a thicker skin and not be so sensitive.  At the end of the day it’s not that important and I’m sure you have moved on and not given this any thought.  I just wanted to talk about it for a minute.

I hope you all had a good week and enjoy the weekend.  Be kind to both those close to you and those you don’t know.  When people try to knock you down or take the wind out of your sails, just smile and be true to yourself.  Sometimes we need to keep the faith for both ourselves and those who can’t do it on their own.  Shabbat Shalom.

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