Jewish Journal

Must haves for the single girl

by Ilana Angel

August 14, 2009 | 2:29 pm

I went to a surprise birthday party for my friend Jill last night.  It was such a great party and she was totally surprised.  Her reaction was perfection.  Mazel Tov to her husband Jeff and friend Laura for a job well done.  You did it and it was fabulous.  It was a fun night with a wonderful group of people and we all had a blast.  I discovered a couple of things that are simply “must haves” for the single gal. 

Every single woman needs a fabulous gay friend.  I am blessed to have many and I’ve got to tell you they are divine.  Now it could be a coincidence that they are great and just happen to be gay and I don’t want to stereotype but there is something about a gay man that brings things to my life that I don’t get from my other friends.  They call me on all my crap.  I’m not allowed to be self deprecating or feel sorry for myself.  They simply won’t stand for it.  They remind me that I am wonderful and any man would be lucky to have me and I should not settle.  I don’t know about you but of all my friends who are in relationships, my gay friends have the type of relationship that I want for myself.  They respect each other, are honest and open and while everyone has issues and struggles, they handle them with grace and positivity.  In spending time with a group of my gay friends last night I was reminded that life is good and that if I’m having a bad day I can turn it around by simply changing my perspective.  Again, they are not fabulous because they are gay, they are fabulous and just happen to be gay.  Loads of love to Scott, Paul and Howard.

Additionally, every single woman needs a straight guy to be her wing man.  Ari came with me to the party last night and he is the best wing man ever.  He is charming and funny and does not need a babysitter.  He made his way through the party and met some great people.  We were not attached at the hip but I knew he was there with me and it was such a nice feeling.  While we spent a lot of the party together, we both went off to do our own thing and yet if I looked around for him he would make eye contact and acknowledge that not only was he okay but made sure that I was okay.  Now this was a party that I totally could have gone to on my own.  I knew everyone there and I would have been fine but I think it’s nice to go with someone.  Even the act of introducing him to people was a good feeling.  To not be there alone was comforting.  Having a man on your arm, regardless of whether they are your romantic partner or just a friend is a good thing and allows you to be single without being labeled as the “single” one.  So thank you to Ari.

While I’m looking for love and hope to be in a relationship, I was reminded last night that I am okay on my own.  I am blessed to have great friends and a happy and healthy child and my life is full.  Some of my blogs could be perceived as my desperate quest to find love and the truth is that while I am on a quest, I am most certainly not desperate.  I look at Scott and Paul and Jill and Jeff and I see the love they share and I know that I want it for myself and will not take whoever comes along and try to force him into a mold.  I will view my quest as a puzzle and wait for the perfect piece.  He’s out there and God willing he’s looking for me too.  I’m going to take a deep breath, remind myself I am blessed and look at the world with joy not cynicism.  These subtle little changes will make it very easy for me to keep the faith.

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