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Dating in the dark

by Ilana Angel

August 5, 2009 | 4:57 pm

Is anyone watching “Dating in the Dark” on Monday nights at 9 on ABC?  It’s fascinating and asks the question is love blind?  In case you have not seen it, they take 3 single men and 3 single women, put them in an absolutely dark environment together and have them judge each other not on looks but personality.  After they spend a couple of dates together in total darkness, they get to see each other.  They are shown to each other but don’t talk or touch or are even revealed at the same time so they don’t see the other person’s reaction.  They are then given the opportunity to meet up on a balcony to continue their relationship or they can leave if they’re not into it.  The kicker is that you go to the balcony and just wait.  The other person could show or not.  If they don’t show, you are stuck there by yourself watching them leave out the front door and you feel like a total loser seeing them go and knowing it was because of how you looked.  Brutal and harsh and a train wreck and I’m hooked.

One week a couple kissed, made out actually, and it was great for both of them.  Perfect chemistry and connection and they were so into each other and talked about intimate things and shared stories and it was really nice.  He was average looking, as was she, but she thought she was gorgeous.  News flash sister, not so much.  When it came time to meet, she left him stranded and he had to watch this woman he felt so connected to just leave without a word.  It was really sad.  Attraction is important.  You have to feel at the very least, a little twinge of something in order to even try to make it work.

If you build a connection with someone on the phone or online where you can’t see them, can you then find them attractive even if they are not your type?  As single people looking to find partners we need to be able to set aside our “types”.  We all have notions of what we think is attractive.  Proof that you can find people outside of your existing parameters is this:  I have a lot of married friends.  Some are married to people I think are dreamy looking and some are married to people I just don’t find that attractive.  I have one friend in particular who has a husband that I would never think to go out with, purely based on his looks. When I see them together however, they love each other, he is a great dad, he is attentive and funny and charming and he completely and totally loves her.  Over the years he has become very attractive to me.  I think to myself I need to find someone just like her husband, which is my proof. 

We must all just try to be a little kinder to our “non-types” and more open to the fact that maybe the person we are looking for is not coming in the wrapping that we were expecting.  One day my prince will come and I’ve decided that if he’s a frog, it’s not a deal breaker.  We’ll just spend a lot of time dating in the dark, which I have to tell you, is not a bad thing.  I’ve done some of my best work in the dark.  Get out of the gutter!  I was talking about the dark of night, where I do some of my best praying and connecting to God.  We spend many evenings talking and he always reminds me to keep the faith.

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