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Jewish Journal

Dating for Dummies

by Ilana Angel

September 5, 2009 | 12:17 pm

I have officially left the station for the JDate hell train trip I signed up for this week and had my first date last night with “Mr. X”.  I must tell you that no matter how old you get, how cool you think you are and how prepared you trick yourself into believing you are, a first date is stressful.

Mr. X was a classic JDater in that he looked nothing like his picture.  Online his photo is not a close up but you get a sense of his face.  The thing is that we had spoken several times this past week and each and every time he made me laugh out loud.  He is funny and charming and very entertaining.  I was looking forward to spending time with him based on those reasons alone so it was a huge surprise when I saw him in person because he did not match what I thought he looked like.

He is a really beautiful man and what is so great is that I don’t think he gets how great looking he is.  Now beauty is in the eye of the beholder of course but I found him to be so attractive that I was a little intimidated.  He has the most spectacular blue eyes I have ever seen and they catch your breath when you look into them and cause a mild heart flutter.  Once we started talking he was the funny man I met on the phone and everything was fine but my oh my, he sure is purdy!

I’m a very social person and an open book in terms of conversation and it was a pleasure to learn that so was he.  He was in person just as he had been on the phone. We talked and got to know each other a little bit and had a lovely dinner.  He was kind to the wait staff which I think is important and a good indicator of the type of person someone is.  We laughed and had what I think was a good date even though there were clearly some nerves from both of us.

There were a couple of things said during dinner that could be interpreted as our continuing to see each other but he never actually said he’d like to go out again and neither did I.  The evening ended with a very nice kiss and I wonder, is that how dates end?  If you like someone do you speak of seeing them again when the date is over?  Am I living in a 1950’s bubble if I was hoping for some kind of plan by the end of the date?

I am really not a good dater and it’s such a drag.  Is there a “Dating for Dummies” book?  I am brilliant at relationships.  Supportive and kind and I understand and appreciate the work that it takes to share your life with someone and am willing to compromise and work hard to maintain a healthy relationship.  When it comes to dating though, I just don’t get what you’re supposed to do or say.

The good news is that I survived my first date.  I met a good guy and had a nice time.  My advice to those boarding the train with me would be to not judge a book by its cover.  If someone makes you laugh and feel comfortable then go out based on that.  I know it’s a tough call because there needs to be attraction but if nothing else you have a night of laughs and sometimes you get lucky and a dreamboat turns up.

I’m not sitting by the phone waiting but I will admit that I hope Mr. X calls.  What will be will be and when all is said and done I’m happy to have made it through my first date.  Turns out all it takes is a deep breath and a leap of faith.

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