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Crazy Lies Behind The Phone

by Ilana Angel

July 28, 2009 | 6:54 pm

I got winked at on Saturday morning by a guy on match.com.  He seemed nice enough.  A good looking guy with a job that he enjoys doing, divorced with no kids.  There were enough things in his profile to make me think I should respond.  I sent him an email to thank him for the interest and say hello.  He wrote me back right away and after a series of emails said he’d like to chat.  We spoke on Sunday night.  We talked for about 25 minutes.  Basic conversation with nothing too deep or life altering, just simple get to know someone fodder.  It was a nice conversation and it ended with him saying he’d like to meet.  I agreed and he said he would call during the week to make a plan.  That was it.  Important to note that by Monday night I mean YESTERDAY.  We just spoke YESTERDAY. 

Last night at 11:00 pm I got an email from him.  Let me share:  The subject line reads:  I REST MY CASE and the message says: “Your everything that is wrong with this site.  Befor I say anything meen (and I could) I will just wish you luck with your fantasy. “ (I kept the grammatical and spelling errors in so as not to alter his words.)  I totally did not get his attitude or how things changed in just a day when we had no contact since our phone call.  So I decided to call him.  When he answered the phone I said hi and let him know I had received his email and was taken back and didn’t get it.  He then went off for 5 minutes telling me how rude I was to not answer his emails.  He said he wrote me 3 emails over the course of the day and I never responded and was therefore a liar and a b**ch and has advertised myself as one way and clearly was another.  He then wished my luck with my search and hung up on me.

Ok.  Let’s talk about this for a minute.  I never got any emails from him.  If I had I would have responded.  I have manners, am considerate and I would never ignore someone who was reaching out.  Is it just me or is there a touch of creepiness about sending 3 emails over the course of a few hours to someone you’ve never met and only had a phone conversation with?  How is it OK on any level for a total stranger to call you a b**ch?

The internet is an unnatural way to meet someone.  It does work however and if you’re willing to put in the time and have no expectations.  It has worked for me and many of my friends.  I am hoping to meet someone who will feel inspired to write me 3 times a day.  I think it’s romantic and actually dig it.  I can also deal with the person I’m dating calling me a b**ch.  I’m a grown up and if I’m being a b**ch call me on it.  Where I take offence is when a complete stranger blames me for what it clearly their own unhappiness and deep unresolved issues with women.

We’re all just trying to live our lives and find someone along the way to share the journey with. I would simply share that perhaps it’s best to hide the crazy until at least your first date.  Anyone can be fabulous when hiding behind a phone.  You can be taller, thinner, younger or bolder when you’ve got a phone between you and another person.  I’m going to strive to always be the same person on the phone that I am in person.  I believe people are inherently good and truly looking for love.  Maybe he had a bad day, maybe he’s been burned or maybe he’s just crazy.  It’s none of my business really.  All I can do it keep trying and stay hopeful while I focus on keeping the faith.

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