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Can I take it back?

by Ilana Angel

August 31, 2009 | 11:15 am

My blog is about being single, a mother and finding love over the age of 40.  I enjoy writing the blog very much.  It’s cathartic and while when I started I thought I would write once a week or maybe twice, I’ve been writing every day.  There is always something to talk about or something to share.  Sometimes when I’m writing I actually laugh out loud at the things I say and other times I can feel sad, inspired, nostalgic or happy.  It really is a representation of what my life is like now and I’m proud of it. 

I don’t regret anything I’ve written and I love it when I get feedback from all of you.  It’s nice to hear what you think, your shared experiences, your encouragement and your criticism.  There are so many of you who have become “regulars” that I feel like we’re on this journey together.  It is because of this connection that we have, which includes what I thought was an authentic care and interest, that I am simply flabbergasted that not one of you wrote to tell me to STOP when I mentioned I joined JDate yesterday.  Really?  Not one of you could take the time to tell me to run for the hills?  I thought we had something special.

When I logged onto my computer this morning I had received 6 flirts and 19 emails.  It sounds like a lot I guess but all it really is, is sharks smelling fresh blood in the water and swimming close.  As I’m sorting through all the notes I can’t help but think to myself, “What were you thinking?”  When I said I was going to give it 30 days and see what happens, could I have been just kidding?  Could we all pretend that my blog from yesterday was all a big joke and can I take it back?

Let’s review:  I got emails from a man who is in late 60’s and lives in Florida, a man who is 27 and lives in San Francisco,  4 men who have posted no picture which is a pretty good indication that they are married or in prison.  I got an email from a man who is 52 and asked that I not be put off by the fact that he has never been married and lives with his mother and a man who I actually dated about 6 years ago and he has absolutely no idea who I am.  I got an email from my girlfriend’s ex-husband who wrote that he always thought I was cute and someone wrote to ask if I go out on a date with him will I blog about it later. 

Of all the emails and flirts that I got there were a couple that I thought had potential until I looked closely and discovered that one lives in New York and the other one has been separated for 3 months and is “getting his feet wet”.  It’s not like I’m surprised or can even be disappointed.  It is what it is and I went in with my eyes open.  I must be patient, take it all with a grain of salt and have hope but no expectations.  I’m going to look at it as a challenge.  Can I get through the next 29 days without pulling all my hair out or throwing anything at my computer?  I believe I can and I will. 

I am going to go out on at least one date a week for the next four weeks.  Yes I am!  I am going to prove that if you are willing to put in the work, you can sift through the dirt and find a diamond.  By dirt I mean compulsive liars and by diamond I mean someone who I would want to go on a second date with.  A very realistic goal don’t you think?

I will embrace the madness today.  I will try to forgive you all for not having my back and telling me to get out.  I will keep an open mind and be kind to those who have shown interest.  And though I imagine it will be a bit of a struggle as I step onto the JDate Hell Train, I will remember to keep the faith.

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