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Jewish Journal

A woman’s prerogative

by Ilana Angel

September 3, 2009 | 4:31 pm

Is it okay for a woman to change her mind?  I know we have the right to do so, everyone does, but it takes on a different tone when women do it.  We are perceived as flakey or wishy-washy or b*****s.  Women are stereotyped as being overly emotional and unstable if we do the very simple, and permitted action, of changing our minds.


Even though I am fiercely independent and strong, I want very much to feel protected and safe. I can put up a pretty solid wall in the hopes of appearing brave and in control but at the end of the day if you look behind my bravado I am just a girl.  I can get easily spooked which can manifest into the harmless act of my changing my mind.

A woman can change her mind for a lot of reasons, or more often than not, for no reason at all.  It does not mean there is a change of heart or an emotional outburst.  We are not unstable and unable to stay focused.  It truly does not need to be a big deal or have to mean anything.

I have a date on Friday night.  When we made plans we decided I would come out to the area where he lives.  After thinking it over I feel a little odd driving out to a place that I am unfamiliar with and I would feel better staying in an area that I know.  I am not going to get lost going there or coming home.  Nothing bad is going to happen to me.  It’s not in any way about my forming an opinion about my date.  It’s not about my being flakey or wishy-washy, it’s not about me over thinking or wondering what he will think of me.  All it means is that I simply changed my mind.

Men need to realize that women can’t always explain why we do what we do.  Even if it makes perfectly good sense in our minds we sometimes don’t know how to articulate it in a way that you will understand.  In fact, sometimes it’s not worth trying because we don’t even understand.

When all is said and done men just need to roll with it and realize that they will never totally get us and when they think we are pushing them to the edge and driving them crazy, they must remember that we are fabulous, they totally love us and above all else, they must keep the faith.

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