Posted by Ilana Angel
Let’s talk about my friend Laurel. I focus a lot on the struggles of meeting men when you are over 40. If you throw Laurel into the mix, then the trouble meeting men is not just limited to women over 40. Laurel is 26 years old and if we lived in Alaska I could be her mother. She is gorgeous, smart, funny and Jewish. She is my friend. A good friend. That said….. she is also the enemy. She is what the men I am interested in, are interested in. (You can find Laurel at www.everyjew.com ) The good thing about Laurel is that she is not interested in the men that I am interested in. Seriously, what could she have in common with someone who is in his late 40’s? When their kids go off to college she will be in her sexual prime and he will be in his 60’s. I know it has worked for some and Mazel Tov to those lucky few. Laurel has come to terms with the fact that she is both my friend and my enemy. We are both looking for love and have agreed that I will not aim my sites on anyone under 40 and she will not aim above 40. There is nothing better than having an enemy who is also your friend. We are just two women looking for our happily ever after. The good news is that if I take off my glasses, squint my eyes and have 2 glasses of wine, her ankles look quite fat. Thank goodness for that because if she were perfect it would be a real struggle for me for me to be her friend.
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July 27, 2009 | 6:30 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
The purpose of this blog is to share stories and experiences about what it’s like to date in Los Angeles. People say it’s harder to date in LA but I personally think it’s hard to date in any city. I’m not really buying the “It’s tougher in LA because everyone is jaded and there are a million skinny super models for every normal girl theory”. It’s hard. Period. If you have any questions or suggestions, let me know. If you have a great son/brother/business associate/neighbor that you think I should go out with, let me know! If you’re single and looking to meet people to date or network, then sign up at http://www.everyjew.com/group/askanangel and be a part of my blog. I will be on here every day gabbing and will cruise around the site and if I see you and think you’re a match for someone I’ll work my yenta magic. I’m going to talk about my dates. The good, the bad and the shoot me now. So… here we are my friends. Let’s share and laugh and cry and maybe learn something from each other. We’ll all yenta and set each other up and make Jewish geography our friend. It’s a pleasure to meet you all!
July 27, 2009 | 5:26 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
“I want you to marry a nice Jewish girl.” These are words that I tell my thirteen year old son on a regular basis. He knows that if he decides to marry a girl that is not Jewish, I will of course love her but he will be required to pay me back every penny I paid for his private Jewish Day School education as well as for his Bar Mitzvah.
At thirteen, my son has asked “Mom isn’t it more important that I find a girl to love, who loves me back, regardless of what her religion is?” I am so impressed with him for wanting to find love and being open to other religions. It makes me proud that I have raised a man of integrity. That said, when he asks me these important questions I send him to his room and remind him that he owes me a lot of money. It begs the question: What is wrong with marrying a nice Jewish girl?
I’m Jewish. More spiritual than religious but I go to Temple more often than just for the high holidays. I can sing the songs, participate in the prayers and know when to stand up and sit down. These are things that I feel are important. Sharing a faith, particularly Judaism is crucial as there are not that many of us! I can actually understand the allure of being with a girl that’s not Jewish. It’s somehow forbidden and goes against what is expected. By expected, I mean what Jewish mothers pray for every day for their children. What happened to the good old days when Jews married Jews?
I get a lot of gentle pressure from my friends to date outside my faith. I was married to a Jew and it did not work out so they figure I need to broaden my horizons. When I tell them I only date Jewish men they roll their eyes and tell me I’m crazy. Here’s the thing, I like being with a Jew and think it’s important to show the value of a shared religion to my son as he starts dating. It’s a deal breaker for me and God willing will be a deal breaker for my son. By deal breaker for my son, I mean I will be crushed if he puts my Grandmother’s ring on a finger that is attached to a girl who is not Jewish.
Here’s a list of things that men have said they like about women who are not Jewish: They like to slow dance in the kitchen while making dinner. They think kissing is an art. They are great communicators, loyal friends and wonderful mothers. They don’t care what kind of car he drives or what he does for a living, as long as he has a job that he cares about and a way to get there. They can be ready to go anywhere in 10 minutes. They care about people and don’t judge. They think sex is important and don’t use it a power chip or view it as a chore. Well surprise, this is a list of things that I wrote about myself on my jDate profile. These things describe not only me, but a lot of modern Jewish women. Has the truth about what a Jewish woman is been blurred?
At the end of the day, we are a great people and no one gets us like we do. Men need to think outside the stereotypes and look inside the box. Fabulous Jewish women exist. We are here and waiting for you to figure it out. Look within our faith for love because at the end of the day, it’s all about keeping the faith.
July 26, 2009 | 7:29 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
For the past 13 years I’ve been searching for love. I’ve looked online, had endless set ups by friends, singles events at Temple, spontaneous meetings at the grocery store, casual meetings in line at the bank, etc., etc., etc. Shy of trolling the Jewish Home for the Aged during Sunday bingo, I really have tried every avenue. I met some great men along the way and had two long term relationships. Both relationships ended with the heartbreaking “I’m just not ready to settle down” speech. The speech was followed by the men quickly meeting other women and settling down. I invested in what I thought was going to be my partner for life only to have them give everything they promised me, to someone else. All you can do is cry, pick up the pieces and send an invoice to the girls they fell in love with for a $10,000 prep fee for getting their men ready for marriage.
The problem with looking for love is that it’s a full time job. You have to register for dating services, sort though all the men who show interest, weed out the yucky ones, read, write and respond to emails, have long drawn out phone conversations, check with friends to make sure they have not dated him, and find a picture that doesn’t make you look fat, old or ugly. I have to do all this while still finding time to work and be a mom. I imagine if you’re under 30 the task is easier. Under 30 you’re perky, tight and things are where they’re supposed to be, not hanging just a little too low or a little too loose. Your eggs are fertile and fresh and ready to go to market. You lack the jaded, somewhat bitter air that accompanies a single woman over 40. But enough about the enemy. By the enemy I mean lovely women who are young and fabulous. By young and fabulous I mean good for you ladies and good luck with that. By good luck with that, I mean back off. There is no real enemy. Women need to support each other. We are all looking for happiness and we all deserve it. However, in the spirit of woman and children first off the Titanic, let the older ones go first!
I’m 43, cute and funny. Not a super model but I take care of myself and have a real body with all the right stuff in all the right places. The struggle for middle aged women is that the dating pool is small. If we want to date someone younger, we are labeled cougars and chances are younger men want to have children and our eggs are slightly poached. If we date someone older, we are in our sexual prime, want romance and travel while the men enjoy early bird specials followed by the 6 pm showing of Larry King immediately followed by sleep. Meeting someone in our own age group is near impossible as they have figured out they are a hot commodity and can get the 24 year old trophy wife. We’re smart enough to not care what people think about us and experienced enough to know our way around a kitchen, a laundry room and a bedroom. There are things that a 43 year old woman can offer that a younger version simply cannot. Can a man in his 40’s and 50’s really have a successful relationship with a woman in her 20’s?
At the end of the day one must remain hopeful that true love can be found. I won’t stop looking. My goal is to find a wonderful Jewish man to share my life. If he can appreciate what I have to offer, I will forgive that he does not know the difference between 5’7” and 5’11”. All one really needs to focus on, is keeping the faith.