Posted by Ilana Angel
I am assembling a top not search team to locate my new boyfriend. I figure if Jewish geography is properly utilized, we can help each other out. I invite you all to join my blog at www.everyjew.com and send me a note about what you are looking for. We all know people who even though we are not interested in them romantically, they are FABULOUS. If you join and send your info I will Yenta the hell out of it and do a little matchmaking.
I know a lot of single people, both male and female, Jews and non-Jews, gay and straight. Let’s join forces and make it happen. Check the blog group and see what people are looking for. You don’t have to be single to join us, you just need to have single friends who want to be set up.
So here’s my deal: I like men who are tall. That said, I’m only 5’3” so tall is relative. I like men who are bald. That said, having hair is also good as you can play with it if it’s short and grab onto it if it’s long. I like men with tattoos. I think they tell a story and archive a history, good or bad. I like men who ride a Harley. While I would never ride myself, I like being on the back of one and holding on to a yummy man. I like Jewish men. Just my thing and not worth elaborating on since I will undoubtedly get messages about what a bigot I am. While I find these postings from angry people and militant web sites to be very entertaining, let’s stay focused!
With all that said, I am not going to limit myself and only look for the men I’ve described. If you know someone who is Jewish and kind, funny and smart, then bring him on. I’m wise enough to think outside the box and am willing to meet anyone you think is a match. I’m compiling a listing of all my single friends and working on getting them to join us. At the very least we will all make new friends and at the very best we will perhaps find love.
Even if it only works for one of us it will have been a successful experiment and a lesson that we must always keep the faith.
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August 2, 2009 | 1:45 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Miracle of miracles! Tonight I had the best date ever. It started off with a walk to the local Blockbuster where we rented a couple of movies. On the way back we stopped by Whole Foods and picked up some pasta and salad for dinner. We laughed and had the best time while preparing a yummy meal. After dinner we went for a walk. We strolled and held hands while we chatted about love and dating and the future. We came back to my place and watched a movie. It was Marley and Me and I cried like a baby. He kept passing me tissues and at one point told me “Don’t cry. It’s OK. I love you.”
After dinner we sat on the balcony and talked about our favorite foods and what we’d like to do together next week. He was charming and funny. Attentive and handsome. Cuddly and delicious. It was the perfect date. Absolutely perfect. I finally figured out how to have the perfect evening with the perfect man. You simply make the man yourself.
I spent the evening with my 13 year old son and it was perfection. I don’t imagine I have many nights like this left. It was a fluke that he happened to be home at all on a Saturday night and not out with his friends at the movies or a party. I love him more than I can ever express or even understand. He is my hero and my friend. He brings me unlimited joy and I am so grateful and blessed to be his mother. At the end of the day he is the reason that I am able to keep the faith.
August 1, 2009 | 2:11 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I spent last night attending Shabbat services at Beit T’Shuvah. They are located on Venice Blvd. in Los Angeles and if you’ve never been, I recommend it. It’s a great service with amazing music and lots of soul. It will leave you feeling connected and grateful. The Rabbi is inspiring and the Cantor is brilliant and you will experience Judaism in a way that is completely different from what you’re used to. But I digress……
I walk in at 6:40 which is 10 minutes late. It’s a packed house so I stand in the back looking for an empty seat when I locate one in front and off to the side. I’m making my way across the sanctuary and it occurs to me as I look around that Temple is packed full of delicious looking men. There are older sophisticated ones, bad boys with shaved heads and tattoos, business men, and some regular guys thrown in the mix who have all gathered for some spirituality.
I am keenly aware that people are watching the late girl walk in. I smile and whisper Good Shabbas as I walk through. I make it to my seat, get settled in and start clapping to the music. Since I’m now at the front and on the side, I can look at everyone. People smile and nod and wave. It’s all quite lovely and engaging and I was immediately glad I had schlepped from the valley in Friday night traffic.
Maybe it’s because it’s Shabbat and everyone is being kind and friendly but the problem with trying to meet men at services is that you don’t know if they are being attentive because of the location and purpose that brought them there, or if they are actually showing interest in you. It’s like my blog from yesterday where I shared that I couldn’t tell if men were gay or not. I think I have a much bigger issue in that I simply am not able to clearly define flirting. While I am a master flirter myself, I really cannot sense it in others. I think everyone is flirting with me all the time.
I think there should be labels, just a little something to help a single girl out. It could be a lapel pin or a button or wait, this is it! A business card that is discreetly passed to you. It could be totally cute and a must have for the fall fashion season. I propose the following versions: SINGLE, MARRIED, TAKING A BREAK, PLAYER, NOT READY, I’LL NEVER CALL YOU, YOUR BROTHER IS HOT, AVAILABLE, NOT INTERESTED, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.
It would make it all so much easier. I’m a smart girl, both educated and street smart. I’m looking for love, want to share my life with someone and believe I bring a lot to the table. The thing is, I’m never going to meet anyone if I’m unable to read the signs. I don’t think I was always like this. After suffering a broken heart some women are left jaded and bitter. Not me. A broken heart has left me a little dumb. I have lost my mojo.
I shall pray that I get my common sense back and will focus on keeping the faith.
July 31, 2009 | 4:24 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
This is some random stuff that has crossed my mind. Looking forward to hearing what people have to share.
When you’re on a date, and it’s going well, and you’ve had dinner, and you see what each other orders, and you’re walking to the car, and you know there is going to be a kiss, and you’re hoping it’s a good one, can you offer your date a piece of gum or breath mint? If it were your significant other, it would be a simple “Here Babe take a Tic-Tac”. But what if it’s new and the kiss will be judged by the breath? Mint or no mint?
If you go on a date and it’s going pretty well and you say you’re going to the bathroom and when you get up he walks with you, follows you there, waits outside for you to finish and then walks you back to the table without an explanation, is that chivalry or red flag crazy? Dump or date two?
When you meet someone new for a drink and you’ve seen his picture and he tells you he is 5’10” and when you get there he is 5’6” and the picture you saw was taken about 15 years ago, can you simply leave because he is a liar or do you stay because you don’t want to hurt his feelings and clearly he is delusional and it would be mean? Stay or bail?
If you’re a mature consenting adult and you’re getting to the make out stage, do you shave your legs incase tonight is the night or do you not shave your legs so you won’t be tempted to go too far? At what point can a woman sleep with a man and not be labeled a slut? How many dates difference is there between a slut and a lady? Shave or don’t shave?
July 31, 2009 | 6:08 am
Posted by Ilana Angel
Today I saw the most beautiful gay couple at the mall. They were both so attractive and happy looking, holding hands and not paying attention to anyone but each other. It made me sigh and look forward to having it for myself one day. (A relationship, not a gay boyfriend.) It reminded me of an experience I had a few weeks ago.
I was looking particularly good on a random Tuesday. Hair looks pretty, I’m wearing a cute outfit, too high but fabulous heels and I feel good. I have time to kill before my son is dropped off from a beach day with friends so I decide to stop into Whole Foods to get a few things. I get my little basket and I’m rocking the iPod while reading labels in the vitamin aisle. As I’m learning about melatonin and the sleeping benefits it delivers, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I’m a little startled as I was preoccupied with the serenading of Michael Buble and as I turn around I see him. He is yummy. Floppy hair and big smile with Osmond perfect teeth. I take my earphones out, smile from ear to ear and say hello. He tells me that he sees I am looking at the melatonin and he wants to share that he takes it and it’s fabulous.
As we start to talk about how horrible it is to not sleep, it occurs to me that he is hitting on me. This fabulous man is being all flirty. I stand up a little straighter, start twirling my hair and hang on to every word he is saying as if it were gospel. He leans in and brushes my arm and tells me we should grab a drink sometime. A great beginning. This could be a good one people. After five minutes of chatting I learn that he is an architect, originally from Chicago. 46 and about 5’9” who clearly spends time at the gym. I tell him I’d love to grab a drink and reach into my ridiculously big handbag searching for my business cards. I’m telling him about a great place in the neighborhood where we can drab a drink one night after work. I locate the cards and look up to deliver my info. He is smiling at me, telling my how great it was that we met when an equally handsome man, in an argyle vest and fabulous jeans comes over, gives him a perfect hello kiss and says “Sorry I’m late Babe.”
I did not even see it coming. Not even a clue that this was even remotely a possibility. He turns to him and says “Babe you have got to meet Ilana she is fabulous.” I shake his hand and don’t allow my palpable disappointment to show. We all hug and make plans to have drinks the following week. I heard from him 2 days later and we did have that drink and have become friends. It’s not the first time I flirted with a gay man oblivious to the fact that he is gay and I’m sure it won’t be the last. I’m not good at detecting if someone is gay. I could be hit on by a fabulous lesbian and would never figure it out. I would just assume she was a friendly girl and we should grab lunch and go shopping. It’s sad really. By sad I mean mortifying. All I can do is laugh at myself and focus on keeping the faith.
July 30, 2009 | 6:15 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
On July 27th I blogged an entry called “Don’t break your Mamma’s heart” about a topic that is important to me, my son marrying a Jew. Granted he’s only 13 and though I can let this one go for a while, I do think about it.
I am so surprised by some of the reactions that I decided to revisit the issue. There are some comments up on the site, some have been removed because I thought they were offensive and I’m sure many that have not been shared. This is America and we are all free to share our opinions and thoughts about any topic we want. Let’s just take a deep breath though and get some perspective. It’s a blog. I am not saving lives or changing the world. I’m just writing about things that interest me, can maybe make people think or relate or just laugh.
“Legacy” wrote this morning to tell me I’m a bigot and an a**hole. He mentioned that his “Goy” Grandfather liberated Poland and so therefore my blog implied that I hated everyone who was not a Jew and was ungrateful for his service. Interesting. Listen to me “Legacy”: I am very grateful to your Grandfather for his service. I worked for years in Holocaust education and am keenly aware of both what happened to the Jews and the bravery of the men and women of the armed services who liberated them. I am sure that your Grandfather, having seen the devastation to the Jewish people first hand, would understand my feelings on this topic and my desire to keep my faith alive within my family. I’m sure he’s also very proud of his grandchild for not only calling a complete stranger an a**hole in a public forum, but also for hiding behind an alias.
To make myself clear, I will love who my son chooses to love. Unconditionally. He is my child and his happiness is the most important thing to me. That said, I am a Jew and I work very hard to pass down the traditions and history of my faith to my son. He will tell you he is a proud Jew, loves his faith, and embraces our history which means I’ve done my job correctly.
I don’t hate people who are not Jewish. I don’t call people I don’t know a**holes. (Although I have said worse to random people on the 405 who don’t know how to drive but they never hear me.) I am a caring and devoted mother who wants the best for her child and you calling me an a**hole makes me even prouder of my boy as I know he would never be so rude or disrespectful.
I’m going to keep on blogging. I’m going to keep on pushing for my kid to marry a Jew. I’m going pray for crazy people. I’m going to find love and he is going to be a Jew. To my new friend Legacy, you need to just relax because at the end of the day, it’s all about keeping the faith.
July 29, 2009 | 9:37 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
Have you ever had a perfect date? The kind where you feel sick to your stomach in anticipation of meeting him? Where you buy a new outfit, get your hair blown out, mani and pedi, shave your legs and don’t eat for 3 days before the big night so you’ll look perfect? The kind of date where even before it happens you are filled with hope and promise and the giddiness of a schoolgirl?
I met a great guy on JDate and we talked a few times over the course of a week. He was charming, funny, and witty with just the perfect amount of sarcasm thrown in. We were the same age, both divorced and both single parents with one child each. My son is 13 and his daughter is 12. Just perfect.
We talked a lot on the phone because we both had our kids and it was going to be a little over a week before our schedules would allow us to meet. That’s both good and bad. Good because you can get to know someone and have some deeper conversations. Bad because you build a connection with someone who you’ve never seen. We talked into the wee hours of the morning after the kids were sleeping with neither one of us wanting to hang up. We talked about forbidden subjects like politics, religion and sex. It was grown up and mature and magical and childish.
We decided to meet for dinner at a local sushi restaurant. (Did I mention that he lives in the valley too? Perfect.) I get there first and am sitting at the table when he arrives. I can see him at the front door and he looks over and smiles and does not stop staring at me as he walks over. He kisses me on the cheek, sits down and the fairytale begins. We spent a little over 3 hours at dinner. Talking and laughing and sharing. Overall, just a really great date. It sounds made up and fake. I’ve been on enough dates to know that it is rare and special.
We leave the restaurant and he walks me to my car. We’re holding hands and making plans to see each other again. I’m getting nervous because I know he will kiss me and I can’t wait. We’re standing at the car, he reaches down and holds my face with both hands and goes in for the big smooch. I try to remember to breathe, close my eyes, lean in and am hit with what can only be described as the single most disgusting kiss of my entire life. It’s full of spit and tongue and noises and licking. The kind of kiss that makes you want to pull your hair out one strand at a time. The kind of kiss where you had to choose between another one and kissing a skunk smack on the mouth with tongue, you’d take the skunk.
We went out one more time after that. Maybe I should have had iced tea instead of sake. Maybe he was nervous. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself in my head because everything was so perfect. Maybe the next time would be better. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Please God just maybe. Nope. Didn’t change second time around. Not even a little bit better. In fact, it might of actually been worse the second time around. At the end of the day there is a lot of power in a kiss. It is the most intimate of touches and can say so much and mean everything. The perfect kiss allows us, for that spectacular moment, to keep the faith.
July 28, 2009 | 6:54 pm
Posted by Ilana Angel
I got winked at on Saturday morning by a guy on match.com. He seemed nice enough. A good looking guy with a job that he enjoys doing, divorced with no kids. There were enough things in his profile to make me think I should respond. I sent him an email to thank him for the interest and say hello. He wrote me back right away and after a series of emails said he’d like to chat. We spoke on Sunday night. We talked for about 25 minutes. Basic conversation with nothing too deep or life altering, just simple get to know someone fodder. It was a nice conversation and it ended with him saying he’d like to meet. I agreed and he said he would call during the week to make a plan. That was it. Important to note that by Monday night I mean YESTERDAY. We just spoke YESTERDAY.
Last night at 11:00 pm I got an email from him. Let me share: The subject line reads: I REST MY CASE and the message says: “Your everything that is wrong with this site. Befor I say anything meen (and I could) I will just wish you luck with your fantasy. “ (I kept the grammatical and spelling errors in so as not to alter his words.) I totally did not get his attitude or how things changed in just a day when we had no contact since our phone call. So I decided to call him. When he answered the phone I said hi and let him know I had received his email and was taken back and didn’t get it. He then went off for 5 minutes telling me how rude I was to not answer his emails. He said he wrote me 3 emails over the course of the day and I never responded and was therefore a liar and a b**ch and has advertised myself as one way and clearly was another. He then wished my luck with my search and hung up on me.
Ok. Let’s talk about this for a minute. I never got any emails from him. If I had I would have responded. I have manners, am considerate and I would never ignore someone who was reaching out. Is it just me or is there a touch of creepiness about sending 3 emails over the course of a few hours to someone you’ve never met and only had a phone conversation with? How is it OK on any level for a total stranger to call you a b**ch?
The internet is an unnatural way to meet someone. It does work however and if you’re willing to put in the time and have no expectations. It has worked for me and many of my friends. I am hoping to meet someone who will feel inspired to write me 3 times a day. I think it’s romantic and actually dig it. I can also deal with the person I’m dating calling me a b**ch. I’m a grown up and if I’m being a b**ch call me on it. Where I take offence is when a complete stranger blames me for what it clearly their own unhappiness and deep unresolved issues with women.
We’re all just trying to live our lives and find someone along the way to share the journey with. I would simply share that perhaps it’s best to hide the crazy until at least your first date. Anyone can be fabulous when hiding behind a phone. You can be taller, thinner, younger or bolder when you’ve got a phone between you and another person. I’m going to strive to always be the same person on the phone that I am in person. I believe people are inherently good and truly looking for love. Maybe he had a bad day, maybe he’s been burned or maybe he’s just crazy. It’s none of my business really. All I can do it keep trying and stay hopeful while I focus on keeping the faith.