August 10, 2009 | 12:52 pm

Such a selfish girl

Posted by Ilana Angel

So I’m watching the Today Show this morning and they are talking about Dalia and Michael Dippolito.  Dalia is a 26 year old women in Florida who was arrested for trying to hire someone to kill her 38 year old husband Michael.  They have been married for 6 months and the coppers tricked her into thinking her husband had been killed and then videotaped her reaction knowing that he was not dead and they had already safely escorted him from the house.  She is crying and screaming and then they tell her she is busted and she denies everything.  Blah.  Blah.  Blah.

To be clear, I think this is a horrible story.  I cannot even imagine how shocking it must have been for Michael and their families that this has happened.  They appeared to have a wonderful marriage and all was going well.  She seems sweet I guess.  She is quite pretty, has a fabulous body and had a life that looked charmed from the outside.  He is a nice looking guy.  Granted he spent a couple of years in prison for racketeering or some other Soprano type crime, but everyone deserves a second chance and he was living his life and providing for his wife and planning a future with the woman he loves.

What I really want to know is:  Is she kidding me with the killing him part?  There are so many women out there looking for love and happiness and she finds a 38 year old man who is willing to commit and rather than just divorce him she is going to kill him and therefore take another man off the market forever when he could have been recycled?  Could she be more selfish?  I am just floored that she would not be supportive of her fellow women and simply throw him back in for someone else to catch.  As women, if we are not going to watch each other’s back then who will?

I’ll be following the story with mild interest.  I’m sure there will be a made for TV movie on Lifetime and she will do an interview from prison crying and talking about what a misunderstanding it is.  He will go on every news show talking about how shocked he is.  We will see him in Vegas getting his picture taken with a bunch of girls gone wild and he will eventually marry someone else and live happily ever after.  I’m happy for him that he was not killed and I wish him well.  I don’t know what the punishment is if you’re convicted of hiring someone to kill your husband, but whatever it is, they should tack on a couple of years for the crime of attempting to take a perfectly viable man off the market for no good reason.  Such a selfish girl! 

I wish them both well and hope it works out.  To Dalia, while you sit and wait for your fate, think about your selfishness and feel ashamed.  To all the ladies in south Florida, there is now another available man on the market.  Slightly damaged and fragile but available and not afraid of commitment.  Best of luck to everyone, think positive, be grateful that you are alive and always keep the faith.

August 9, 2009 | 2:41 pm

Is this dating?

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’d like to talk about dating for a minute.  By talk about it, I mean complain about it and by complain about it I mean struggle to understand how it works.

I have a new friend called “Ari”.  He is smart and funny, charming and talented.  If I had any interest in being a cougar or thought it was cool to date someone who was young enough to be someone I used to babysit in high school, I would totally want to date him.  While he is in fact quite attractive, his spirit and sense of humor are gorgeous.  What’s so interesting about Ari is his outlook on dating.  He can take it or leave it.  He’s in his mid 30’s, Jewish, successful and is in absolutely no rush to find love.  He is happy to sit back and wait.  If it comes along that’s great.  If not, no worries because it will one day.  He has a full life and will share it when the time is right.

Is this mentality specific to Ari or to men in general?  I don’t think I have one girlfriend who is single and willing to be totally honest, who can tell you that she is not searching for love.  There are different levels of love of course. Some want to get married, some want to have a baby, some want to simply have a boyfriend and some just want a go to guy to be their date for parties or romantic partner when the mood hits them.  Women are always searching and hoping.  We don’t have the gene that allows us to sit and wait for love to come to us. 

I’ll speak for myself and for myself I mean all women when I tell you for us, every first date is filled with potential.  The hope that it will go well and there will be a second date, the hope that maybe it will lead to something, the hope that we’ll have a date for New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day, the hope that we won’t be the one single girl at a dinner party full of couples.  Now I know that there are men who also have these hopes.  The thing is that while we crave it and want it now, men are able to wait.  What they fail to remember is that the girl who they are “hanging out” with while they wait, is in fact hoping that she is the one.

I just got in touch with a guy on match.com.  We’ll call him “Richard”.  I was trudging through the piles of crap on there when I came upon his profile.  It lacked that certain stench that comes with lying and is prevalent with online dating.  It was the last day of my subscription so I sent a note to tell him that what he wrote was lovely.  The simple fact that he did not mention that he likes long strolls on the beach and is comfortable in both jeans and a tux made him instantly attractive.  So….. I write, he writes back, I give my number and he calls.  Now begins the part of dating that is so confusing and stressful to me.

We are not dating.  We have not met.  That said I like him.  He is funny and charming and not pretentious.  He is smart and has similar views to mine on life and parenting and I love how he talks about his children.  It’s only been a couple of days but we talk and text and check in with each other and laugh and flirt.  I look forward to hearing from him.  This does not make me crazy or a stalker or unrealistic or needy.  What this makes me is a girl.  We are in that rare moment in time when anything is possible.  It’s dangerous because when we meet there could be no connection.  What we have on the phone could just not translate.  I could think he was weird or creepy and he could think I am strange or a troll.  There are so many things that could go wrong.  It’s as equally stressful as it is exciting.

In the end meeting someone online is unnatural.  While it is a necessary evil and can work, it’s not organic or romantic in any way.  It’s an interviewing process and you go in with an open mind hoping that your resume is interpreted well and you get a second interview.  All you can do is laugh, roll with the punches, cross your fingers and keep the faith.

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August 8, 2009 | 6:12 am

Weekend Update

Posted by Ilana Angel

I hope everyone had a lovely Friday night and enjoys their weekend.  My son left today for a holiday with his dad.  They are going on a great adventure and I know he will have a wonderful time.  That said, when he left I walked around my home for about 20 minutes thinking to myself “What do I do now?”  I cried for a minute and by a minute I mean an hour.  Then my delicious son called to tell me he loved me and would miss me and all was well in the world again.  I decide that I am going to take myself out for dinner.  I go to my local sushi place, take a seat at the bar and settle in for some yumminess.  I am sitting next to a cute couple and little did I know I was about to have a front row seat to the most entertaining show ever.  It turns out to be reality TV, without the TV, at its best.

In the interest of protecting the innocent let’s call the girl “Crazy” and the boy “Poor Guy”.  So I’m sitting next to Crazy and she reaches over and takes a sip out of my water.  She immediately realizes she has grabbed the wrong glass and tells me she is sorry.  I assure her it’s no big deal and I ask the waitress for another glass of California Tap.  Crazy asks me if I’ve eaten there before and so I tell her I have and after finding out they have not, I make a couple of recommendations of my favorite things. 

I’m eating and minding my own business when Crazy turns to me and says “Do you think it’s weird that this is our third date and he does not know anything about me because all we talk about is him?” Is she kidding?  At this exact moment I’m pissed at myself for not having a pad and pen or even better my laptop so I can just start blogging right then and there.  I say “Excuse me?” with the hope that I heard her correctly.  She asks me again if I think it’s weird.  I tell her that maybe he doesn’t know that much about her because she has not volunteered the information.  I tell her that sometimes as women we tend to listen more in the early stages of dating so we can get a handle on who we are dealing with knowing that once we settle in we will not stop talking and it will all balance out.  So Crazy, bless her heart, says “No!  He never asks anything about ME it’s always about HIM.”  Then she starts to cry.

Poor Guy is sitting there with his mouth hanging open not sure what to do or say and clearly floored that this is happening at all.  He leans over her and says to me “Oh my God.  What is happening?  I thought we were having a nice time and I can’t believe she is doing this with a complete stranger.  We should just go.”  I tell Crazy that she needs to relax and everything will be ok and maybe they should go so they can talk privately.”  They are now creating a bit of a scene as she is a slobbering mess and the sushi guys are clearly talking about her in Japanese because everyone who works there comes to get a front row seat to the action.

This is the part of the story where Poor Guy becomes “Idiot”.  He looks at me and says “I’m really sorry but this chick is nuts.  We’ve had three dates and she wants to know where I am every second, why I don’t call her twenty times a day and when am I going to meet her mom.  I’m seriously over the whole thing.  I’m gonna go.”  He takes out his wallet, gives her sixty bucks tells her to pay for dinner and tells me she lives about six blocks away and can I driver her home.  He tells me sorry and looks at her and says “There is a reason that you are 32 and alone.  Get some help.”  And with that, he is out!  Even I, who has a million dating horror stories, can’t make this stuff up. 

Crazy is now hysterical and I’m struggling to be supportive of her while trying to remember it all until I get home and can write it all down.  Crazy and I ended up having a lovely dinner, on Idiot thank you very much, and then I drove her home and assured her that everything would be fine.  I feel sad for her.  She is lovely and pretty and while she is a little intense, she meant well.  As women we want to believe that every first date could be our last.  That we are able to get to a third date can in itself be a miracle.  I can barely find someone I want to see twice so getting to three dates means that there’s some potential.  On the other hand, its women like Crazy who make it hard for the rest of us ladies.  Idiot will go into his next relationship jaded and bitter and will tell the story about Crazy to his friends and they will talk about how all women are the same and he’s better off without her and he should date a bunch of chicks only one time so he doesn’t have to deal with this crap again.  In her attempt to somehow fast track her relationship after three dates, she ruined it for not only herself but for all the single women who will meet Idiot and think he could be the one.

If only Idiot could have been a little less crazy and Crazy could have been a little less of an idiot it might have ended differently.  I think the moral of today’s blog is that 1) Being single totally sucks.  2) Chances are you are not going to get married after three dates.  3) You can be a little less crazy and a little less of an idiot if you just remember to keep the faith.

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August 7, 2009 | 3:25 pm

All about me

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’ve been told that my blog is funny and insightful and that I am charming and adorable, not to mention sexy as hell.  Many of you have let me know that it’s impossible for you to understand why I have not met my Beshert.  Trust me, I wonder the same thing on a daily basis.  (Mostly when I’m feeding my son’s cat and have an anxiety attack that she will become the first of 18.)  I have also been told that while people are getting a handle on my opinions and sense of humor they don’t really know who I am.  In the interest of giving the people what they want, I’ve decided to do something unheard of.  It is so special and rare that it is actually considered to be an urban myth by many.  I am going to tell you about myself and I am not going to lie.  I am going to attach a photo that is less than a month old and I am not going to write what I think will “sell” me, but rather tell the truth.  Buckle up kids……here we go.

I was born in Israel and am the 2nd of 4 children.  I moved to England when I was 2 and immigrated to Canada when I was 3.  My mother is Israeli and my father, of blessed memory, was English.  I speak Hebrew but cannot read or write it at all.  My father was a salesman and so we moved around Canada quite a bit having lived in Regina (Fargo), Vancouver (Seattle), Toronto (Chicago) and Halifax (Bangor). 

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kid.  He is 13 ½ and a remarkable young man.  I am a great mother and wish I had had the opportunity to have more children.  At 43 with a kid about to start high school I can’t imagine filling out kindergarten and college applications at the same time so no more babies for me.  That said, never say never.  I love children and would welcome a partner that had kids of his own.  My child would be happy to see me in a loving relationship and welcomes a male influence in his life.  That said, he has a dad who he loves and is very close to.  I’m looking for a partner for myself not a dad for my child.

I am a fabulous and curvy size 12.  I have long hair that goes from dark brown to auburn red depending on my mood.  I have hazel eyes and am blind as a bat.  I wear both contacts and glasses but more often than not I’m rocking the glasses. I have a lot of freckles and while I hated them as I kid I have grown to love them and think they are beautiful.  I walk between 4 – 10 miles a day depending on how much time I have and I like to hike Runyon Canyon.  I complain the entire way, as my hiking group will confirm, but I do it and I love it and feel accomplished when it’s over. I can be ready to go anywhere in 10 minutes.  Flat.

I am a fabulous cook.  I am also a new vegetarian.  My friend Dave sent me a video about the treatment of farm animals in the United States about 7 months ago and that was it.  I have on occasion over the past few months eaten fish but I’m working on that.  I have not quite decided if I can let sushi go.  My son, a total and complete sushi nut, tells me I can eat sushi because while it is in fact an animal, it is prepared as art and a very respectful way to treat an animal.  Love this kid.

I am a great driver and could operate a NYC cab.  I would rather be a passenger than a driver though.  I love being on the back of Harley.  I love to travel and hate to fly.  I love anything to do with the water.  I love that I’m light as a feather in the water. I would rather stay in than go out.  I love being in bed.  Reading, writing, sleeping and talking is all better in bed.  I love the ocean and the mountains and the snow.  I think hockey is a brilliant sport and if there is no blood it’s just figure skating.  I love my family.  I love family period.  I would like to meet someone who is close to his family.  I like having people over for dinner.  At big gatherings or parties I always have the most fun sitting next to either the youngest or oldest person there.  I am a practicing Jew and have a strong connection to God. 

I love to clean and can iron a pair of slacks and dress shirt perfectly.  I am very organized.  I believe that people are inherently good.  I give money to the homeless and look them in the eye when I do and wish them well.  I value myself, my family and my friends.  I truly want to find love.  I am at my best in a relationship.  I want my partner to be funny and sarcastic and make me feel safe and protected.  I am a tough gal who has struggled and overcome much but is still vulnerable and sensitive.  I look beautiful when I cry.  I have been able to maintain hope and am not ruled by my broken heart but rather appreciate the cracks as they allow the light to get in.  I have many friends in my life who are sober and recovering from different forms of addiction.  While it is not my struggle, I respect their journey and love them very much.  They have changed my world view and I am a better person for having them in my life.  I believe in the power of prayer and that happiness is found when you hold on.

I’m here and I’m ready and I’m hopeful and I’m scared.  I’m excited and I’m anxious and I’m nervous and I’m giddy.  I can be difficult and needy but I am mostly easy going and giving.  I am just a girl with lots to give and the wisdom to appreciate what I am given in return.  I recently had a falling out with a very dear friend and it will mold and shape all my future relationships.  While we are not connected at the moment and I don’t believe we will ever find our way back, I hope to be able to sit with him again one day and laugh and feel peace and hold his hand and kiss his head.  With all of this said, the most important thing to know about me is that I will always keep the faith.

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August 6, 2009 | 1:28 pm

Dating for Two

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dating is hard.  It’s time consuming, stressful and more often than not, it’s actually painful.  It’s a dance that one can practice over and over again and just when you think you have it mastered, you realize the steps have changed and you are dancing around with two left feet.  With all that said it’s even harder when you have children.

I got separated when my son was a few months old and divorced a year later.  I didn’t really date when he was a baby.  I think I had two dates in the first four years of his life.  I had no time or real interest.  I have friends who got divorced and were dating 5 minutes later.  My ex-husband was dating before the ink was dry on the divorce papers.  Good for them!  But for me I just could not wrap my head around dating when I had such a young child.

When I eventually did start dating I did not involve my son at all.  I spoke of him certainly, and often, but he never met anyone I dated nor did I ever show pictures of him to anybody.  I have always felt that he was a blessing and that any man I dated had to earn the right to know my delicious kid.  You might think it’s stupid or extreme but it was how I felt and it worked for me.  I had a couple of great relationships when he was little.  They were good men and it was nice to be a grown up and not just a mom all the time.  Both of those men never met my kid.  I was not going to marry them so I didn’t see the purpose of introducing them.  While I am very happy with the choices I made in terms of my boy, it turns out that perhaps I had it all wrong.  He is a MUCH better judge of a man’s character than I am.  Probably because he is a much better man than the ones I’ve been dating..

I can tell my kid about a date and he will immediately give me some insight that is spot on.  I can tell him a funny thing my date said or did and he can immediately translate it into man speak and tell me what it really meant.  It is amazing.  At 13 he is already fluent in the language of men.  I can wear an outfit to work or out to dinner with him and he will tell me it’s a good date outfit or on the flip side I can wear something and he will let me know if I wear it on a date I will be two cats away from spending my life sitting on the couch waiting for him to bring my grandchildren over for a visit.

Dating for two has a whole new meaning when your child is not a baby anymore.  I spent a lot of time keeping him out of my grown up life and am happy about that.  I am equally happy that now not only does he have an opinion, but he wants to be involved.  He is clear on who he thinks I should date and even clearer on who I have been dating.

I don’t imagine I will change my philosophy on introducing men to him after a first date, but I think I’m open to him meeting them while I myself am getting to know them.  He is a really smart kid.  He loves me completely, knows me better than anyone else and has my best interest at heart.  When he was little I used to think he would love whoever I loved because he loved me.  Now I know better.  He is going to love whoever loves me the way he wants me to be loved.

I have a new found excitement about dating at this stage of my life.  I’ve got a built in cheering section and stylist.  At the end of the day, no matter what happens, I will always have a divine man who loves me at home.  I’m feeling cute and sassy and ready for love.  There is no trip to the pound to adopt a few cats in my future!  I am hopeful and happy and through the eyes of my child I will always be able to keep the faith.

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August 5, 2009 | 4:57 pm

Dating in the dark

Posted by Ilana Angel

Is anyone watching “Dating in the Dark” on Monday nights at 9 on ABC?  It’s fascinating and asks the question is love blind?  In case you have not seen it, they take 3 single men and 3 single women, put them in an absolutely dark environment together and have them judge each other not on looks but personality.  After they spend a couple of dates together in total darkness, they get to see each other.  They are shown to each other but don’t talk or touch or are even revealed at the same time so they don’t see the other person’s reaction.  They are then given the opportunity to meet up on a balcony to continue their relationship or they can leave if they’re not into it.  The kicker is that you go to the balcony and just wait.  The other person could show or not.  If they don’t show, you are stuck there by yourself watching them leave out the front door and you feel like a total loser seeing them go and knowing it was because of how you looked.  Brutal and harsh and a train wreck and I’m hooked.

One week a couple kissed, made out actually, and it was great for both of them.  Perfect chemistry and connection and they were so into each other and talked about intimate things and shared stories and it was really nice.  He was average looking, as was she, but she thought she was gorgeous.  News flash sister, not so much.  When it came time to meet, she left him stranded and he had to watch this woman he felt so connected to just leave without a word.  It was really sad.  Attraction is important.  You have to feel at the very least, a little twinge of something in order to even try to make it work.

If you build a connection with someone on the phone or online where you can’t see them, can you then find them attractive even if they are not your type?  As single people looking to find partners we need to be able to set aside our “types”.  We all have notions of what we think is attractive.  Proof that you can find people outside of your existing parameters is this:  I have a lot of married friends.  Some are married to people I think are dreamy looking and some are married to people I just don’t find that attractive.  I have one friend in particular who has a husband that I would never think to go out with, purely based on his looks. When I see them together however, they love each other, he is a great dad, he is attentive and funny and charming and he completely and totally loves her.  Over the years he has become very attractive to me.  I think to myself I need to find someone just like her husband, which is my proof. 

We must all just try to be a little kinder to our “non-types” and more open to the fact that maybe the person we are looking for is not coming in the wrapping that we were expecting.  One day my prince will come and I’ve decided that if he’s a frog, it’s not a deal breaker.  We’ll just spend a lot of time dating in the dark, which I have to tell you, is not a bad thing.  I’ve done some of my best work in the dark.  Get out of the gutter!  I was talking about the dark of night, where I do some of my best praying and connecting to God.  We spend many evenings talking and he always reminds me to keep the faith.

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August 4, 2009 | 6:52 pm

Watch what happens!

Posted by Ilana Angel

My father Robert Angel, of blessed memory, was a wonderful man.  He was charming, funny and brilliant.  I get all the best parts of me from him and I am blessed to see all the best parts of him in my son.  He was originally from England, moved to Israel when he was a young man, served in the Israeli army and fought in the war of 1967.  Met my mother is Israel, had 2 kids (me included) and eventually moved us from Israel to England and then Canada where they had 2 more children. 

None of that has anything to do with the story really, I just love him and so to talk about him keeps his memory alive.  I’ve lived in Los Angeles for almost 20 years and he came to visit me often.  He loved it here and especially loved to come once I had my son.  My father ALWAYS wore a watch.  He liked watches and while he had quite a few, there was one gold one in particular that he wore daily.  I NEVER wear a watch.  I would always ask my dad what time it was and it would drive him crazy.  I asked him because I got a kick out of the fact that every time I asked him what time it was he would say in his lovely English accent “For God’s sake Ilana, get a bloody watch already”. 

When my son was born he came to spend a few weeks with us.  One night he was sitting with me, telling stories about when me and my siblings were little.  He took the baby from me and placed a box on my bed.  Inside the box was a beautiful watch.  It was silver with a pale pink face.  He rocked his grandson to sleep and told me that I needed to start paying attention to time because now it would pass quicker than I could ever imagine.  It is a memory I will cherish forever. 

When my father passed away a few years ago I put the watch away.  I simply could not wear it.  A few weeks ago I remembered how much I loved it and decided to start wearing it again.  The problem was it stopped working.  I took it to a really great place on the west side called Westchester Watchworks.  You can check them out at www.westchesterwatchworks.com .  It is owned and operated by the Lyon family and I am so grateful to them for fixing it.  I’m not sure what they did but I got it back and not only does it work but it looks like the day he gave it to me.  Thank you!

So what does any of this have to do with dating?  Here we go!  I’m on a date and I’m wearing my watch.  We are having drinks and all is well.  We’re talking and laughing and without even noticing I was doing it, I start fiddling with the watch.  I’m touching it, rolling it around my wrist, smiling to myself because I was so happy to be wearing it.  In the middle of my saying something that was undoubtedly funny and cute, my date puts up his hand and says, “If you’re bored and want to go just say so.  I don’t appreciate that you’ve been playing with your watch and checking the time for over an hour.  You are being rude and if you want to go, just get lost and stop wasting my time.”  He then calls over the waiter and gets the check.  After the initial shock wears off I try to tell him the story of my watch but he is having none of it.  He goes on to tell me, “If you were not into it you could have left before I dropped 40 bucks on drinks with someone who could care less about me and what I have to say.”  He throws some cash on the table, thanks me for wasting his time, and leaves.

Can I pick em or what?  Now he knows about my blog and so I’m sure he figured out he was going to make it in and I hope he is reading this.  Listen to me, I am so sick of men saying women are dramatic.  Perhaps the real issue is that MEN are dramatic.  I would have explained the story.  I would have stopped if you mentioned it.  I would have paid for the drinks so you were not out your precious 40 bucks.  At some point you have got to stop labeling women as crazy and do some self reflection. 

We are all just trying to meet someone and I appreciate that it’s hard for all of us.  What are the chances that anyone will meet their Beshert?  I imagine the odds are not stellar.  That said, cut me some slack fella.  You need to get a grip and not allow your ego to take center stage on a date.  It’s just not that attractive.  Men like you will not break my spirit and send me to the pound to get 8 cats!  My Beshert and I will make our way to each other.  I am always going to be hopeful.  That said, every once in a while, it is challenging to keep the faith.

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August 3, 2009 | 9:17 pm

Really?

Posted by Ilana Angel

So I have this killer little black dress.  It’s beautiful.  Just the right amount of boobage and leg and just tight enough on my tuchas to look good but still allow me to walk and breathe.  Every single time I wear it I look in the mirror and I say to myself, “You look soooo cute.”  It’s my go to dress when I can’t think of anything to wear.  Work, wedding, bridal shower, party, you name it, this dress is divine.  Dress it up or dress it down, it is perfect.

If I love this dress so much, wear if so often and take such good care of it, why oh why and more importantly HOW is it possible that I can put on this magical dress for a date and think to myself, “Really?  This is THE dress?  This dress sucks.”  This realization is promptly followed by 30 minutes of my tearing apart my closet for something to wear.  Why?  I ask you….. WWWWHHHHYYYY?

It’s just a date.  We’re not getting married, we’re just having dinner.  Why is the selection of an outfit for a date such a big deal?  If I never see him again then who cares what I wore?  If we get married and live happily ever after I’ll be lucky if he remembers our anniversary so what are the chances he is ever going to remember what I wore? 

So now I’m home, my perfect LBD is staring at me from the hanger with clearly hurt feelings.  My room is trashed with all my clothes scattered everywhere.  I’m frustrated and somewhat sad.  Why am I sad you ask?  Because when all is said and done and I’m ready to get dressed, I will end up wearing my perfect little black dress anyway and this entire episode will have been for nothing.

Note to self:  1) Remember to buy a back up little black dress that can work magic incase I can’t quite get there with the original and 2)  Take a deep breathe, clean your room, and keep the faith.

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