August 7, 2009 | 3:25 pm

All about me

Posted by Ilana Angel

I’ve been told that my blog is funny and insightful and that I am charming and adorable, not to mention sexy as hell.  Many of you have let me know that it’s impossible for you to understand why I have not met my Beshert.  Trust me, I wonder the same thing on a daily basis.  (Mostly when I’m feeding my son’s cat and have an anxiety attack that she will become the first of 18.)  I have also been told that while people are getting a handle on my opinions and sense of humor they don’t really know who I am.  In the interest of giving the people what they want, I’ve decided to do something unheard of.  It is so special and rare that it is actually considered to be an urban myth by many.  I am going to tell you about myself and I am not going to lie.  I am going to attach a photo that is less than a month old and I am not going to write what I think will “sell” me, but rather tell the truth.  Buckle up kids……here we go.

I was born in Israel and am the 2nd of 4 children.  I moved to England when I was 2 and immigrated to Canada when I was 3.  My mother is Israeli and my father, of blessed memory, was English.  I speak Hebrew but cannot read or write it at all.  My father was a salesman and so we moved around Canada quite a bit having lived in Regina (Fargo), Vancouver (Seattle), Toronto (Chicago) and Halifax (Bangor). 

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my kid.  He is 13 ½ and a remarkable young man.  I am a great mother and wish I had had the opportunity to have more children.  At 43 with a kid about to start high school I can’t imagine filling out kindergarten and college applications at the same time so no more babies for me.  That said, never say never.  I love children and would welcome a partner that had kids of his own.  My child would be happy to see me in a loving relationship and welcomes a male influence in his life.  That said, he has a dad who he loves and is very close to.  I’m looking for a partner for myself not a dad for my child.

I am a fabulous and curvy size 12.  I have long hair that goes from dark brown to auburn red depending on my mood.  I have hazel eyes and am blind as a bat.  I wear both contacts and glasses but more often than not I’m rocking the glasses. I have a lot of freckles and while I hated them as I kid I have grown to love them and think they are beautiful.  I walk between 4 – 10 miles a day depending on how much time I have and I like to hike Runyon Canyon.  I complain the entire way, as my hiking group will confirm, but I do it and I love it and feel accomplished when it’s over. I can be ready to go anywhere in 10 minutes.  Flat.

I am a fabulous cook.  I am also a new vegetarian.  My friend Dave sent me a video about the treatment of farm animals in the United States about 7 months ago and that was it.  I have on occasion over the past few months eaten fish but I’m working on that.  I have not quite decided if I can let sushi go.  My son, a total and complete sushi nut, tells me I can eat sushi because while it is in fact an animal, it is prepared as art and a very respectful way to treat an animal.  Love this kid.

I am a great driver and could operate a NYC cab.  I would rather be a passenger than a driver though.  I love being on the back of Harley.  I love to travel and hate to fly.  I love anything to do with the water.  I love that I’m light as a feather in the water. I would rather stay in than go out.  I love being in bed.  Reading, writing, sleeping and talking is all better in bed.  I love the ocean and the mountains and the snow.  I think hockey is a brilliant sport and if there is no blood it’s just figure skating.  I love my family.  I love family period.  I would like to meet someone who is close to his family.  I like having people over for dinner.  At big gatherings or parties I always have the most fun sitting next to either the youngest or oldest person there.  I am a practicing Jew and have a strong connection to God. 

I love to clean and can iron a pair of slacks and dress shirt perfectly.  I am very organized.  I believe that people are inherently good.  I give money to the homeless and look them in the eye when I do and wish them well.  I value myself, my family and my friends.  I truly want to find love.  I am at my best in a relationship.  I want my partner to be funny and sarcastic and make me feel safe and protected.  I am a tough gal who has struggled and overcome much but is still vulnerable and sensitive.  I look beautiful when I cry.  I have been able to maintain hope and am not ruled by my broken heart but rather appreciate the cracks as they allow the light to get in.  I have many friends in my life who are sober and recovering from different forms of addiction.  While it is not my struggle, I respect their journey and love them very much.  They have changed my world view and I am a better person for having them in my life.  I believe in the power of prayer and that happiness is found when you hold on.

I’m here and I’m ready and I’m hopeful and I’m scared.  I’m excited and I’m anxious and I’m nervous and I’m giddy.  I can be difficult and needy but I am mostly easy going and giving.  I am just a girl with lots to give and the wisdom to appreciate what I am given in return.  I recently had a falling out with a very dear friend and it will mold and shape all my future relationships.  While we are not connected at the moment and I don’t believe we will ever find our way back, I hope to be able to sit with him again one day and laugh and feel peace and hold his hand and kiss his head.  With all of this said, the most important thing to know about me is that I will always keep the faith.

August 6, 2009 | 1:28 pm

Dating for Two

Posted by Ilana Angel

Dating is hard.  It’s time consuming, stressful and more often than not, it’s actually painful.  It’s a dance that one can practice over and over again and just when you think you have it mastered, you realize the steps have changed and you are dancing around with two left feet.  With all that said it’s even harder when you have children.

I got separated when my son was a few months old and divorced a year later.  I didn’t really date when he was a baby.  I think I had two dates in the first four years of his life.  I had no time or real interest.  I have friends who got divorced and were dating 5 minutes later.  My ex-husband was dating before the ink was dry on the divorce papers.  Good for them!  But for me I just could not wrap my head around dating when I had such a young child.

When I eventually did start dating I did not involve my son at all.  I spoke of him certainly, and often, but he never met anyone I dated nor did I ever show pictures of him to anybody.  I have always felt that he was a blessing and that any man I dated had to earn the right to know my delicious kid.  You might think it’s stupid or extreme but it was how I felt and it worked for me.  I had a couple of great relationships when he was little.  They were good men and it was nice to be a grown up and not just a mom all the time.  Both of those men never met my kid.  I was not going to marry them so I didn’t see the purpose of introducing them.  While I am very happy with the choices I made in terms of my boy, it turns out that perhaps I had it all wrong.  He is a MUCH better judge of a man’s character than I am.  Probably because he is a much better man than the ones I’ve been dating..

I can tell my kid about a date and he will immediately give me some insight that is spot on.  I can tell him a funny thing my date said or did and he can immediately translate it into man speak and tell me what it really meant.  It is amazing.  At 13 he is already fluent in the language of men.  I can wear an outfit to work or out to dinner with him and he will tell me it’s a good date outfit or on the flip side I can wear something and he will let me know if I wear it on a date I will be two cats away from spending my life sitting on the couch waiting for him to bring my grandchildren over for a visit.

Dating for two has a whole new meaning when your child is not a baby anymore.  I spent a lot of time keeping him out of my grown up life and am happy about that.  I am equally happy that now not only does he have an opinion, but he wants to be involved.  He is clear on who he thinks I should date and even clearer on who I have been dating.

I don’t imagine I will change my philosophy on introducing men to him after a first date, but I think I’m open to him meeting them while I myself am getting to know them.  He is a really smart kid.  He loves me completely, knows me better than anyone else and has my best interest at heart.  When he was little I used to think he would love whoever I loved because he loved me.  Now I know better.  He is going to love whoever loves me the way he wants me to be loved.

I have a new found excitement about dating at this stage of my life.  I’ve got a built in cheering section and stylist.  At the end of the day, no matter what happens, I will always have a divine man who loves me at home.  I’m feeling cute and sassy and ready for love.  There is no trip to the pound to adopt a few cats in my future!  I am hopeful and happy and through the eyes of my child I will always be able to keep the faith.

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August 5, 2009 | 4:57 pm

Dating in the dark

Posted by Ilana Angel

Is anyone watching “Dating in the Dark” on Monday nights at 9 on ABC?  It’s fascinating and asks the question is love blind?  In case you have not seen it, they take 3 single men and 3 single women, put them in an absolutely dark environment together and have them judge each other not on looks but personality.  After they spend a couple of dates together in total darkness, they get to see each other.  They are shown to each other but don’t talk or touch or are even revealed at the same time so they don’t see the other person’s reaction.  They are then given the opportunity to meet up on a balcony to continue their relationship or they can leave if they’re not into it.  The kicker is that you go to the balcony and just wait.  The other person could show or not.  If they don’t show, you are stuck there by yourself watching them leave out the front door and you feel like a total loser seeing them go and knowing it was because of how you looked.  Brutal and harsh and a train wreck and I’m hooked.

One week a couple kissed, made out actually, and it was great for both of them.  Perfect chemistry and connection and they were so into each other and talked about intimate things and shared stories and it was really nice.  He was average looking, as was she, but she thought she was gorgeous.  News flash sister, not so much.  When it came time to meet, she left him stranded and he had to watch this woman he felt so connected to just leave without a word.  It was really sad.  Attraction is important.  You have to feel at the very least, a little twinge of something in order to even try to make it work.

If you build a connection with someone on the phone or online where you can’t see them, can you then find them attractive even if they are not your type?  As single people looking to find partners we need to be able to set aside our “types”.  We all have notions of what we think is attractive.  Proof that you can find people outside of your existing parameters is this:  I have a lot of married friends.  Some are married to people I think are dreamy looking and some are married to people I just don’t find that attractive.  I have one friend in particular who has a husband that I would never think to go out with, purely based on his looks. When I see them together however, they love each other, he is a great dad, he is attentive and funny and charming and he completely and totally loves her.  Over the years he has become very attractive to me.  I think to myself I need to find someone just like her husband, which is my proof. 

We must all just try to be a little kinder to our “non-types” and more open to the fact that maybe the person we are looking for is not coming in the wrapping that we were expecting.  One day my prince will come and I’ve decided that if he’s a frog, it’s not a deal breaker.  We’ll just spend a lot of time dating in the dark, which I have to tell you, is not a bad thing.  I’ve done some of my best work in the dark.  Get out of the gutter!  I was talking about the dark of night, where I do some of my best praying and connecting to God.  We spend many evenings talking and he always reminds me to keep the faith.

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August 4, 2009 | 6:52 pm

Watch what happens!

Posted by Ilana Angel

My father Robert Angel, of blessed memory, was a wonderful man.  He was charming, funny and brilliant.  I get all the best parts of me from him and I am blessed to see all the best parts of him in my son.  He was originally from England, moved to Israel when he was a young man, served in the Israeli army and fought in the war of 1967.  Met my mother is Israel, had 2 kids (me included) and eventually moved us from Israel to England and then Canada where they had 2 more children. 

None of that has anything to do with the story really, I just love him and so to talk about him keeps his memory alive.  I’ve lived in Los Angeles for almost 20 years and he came to visit me often.  He loved it here and especially loved to come once I had my son.  My father ALWAYS wore a watch.  He liked watches and while he had quite a few, there was one gold one in particular that he wore daily.  I NEVER wear a watch.  I would always ask my dad what time it was and it would drive him crazy.  I asked him because I got a kick out of the fact that every time I asked him what time it was he would say in his lovely English accent “For God’s sake Ilana, get a bloody watch already”. 

When my son was born he came to spend a few weeks with us.  One night he was sitting with me, telling stories about when me and my siblings were little.  He took the baby from me and placed a box on my bed.  Inside the box was a beautiful watch.  It was silver with a pale pink face.  He rocked his grandson to sleep and told me that I needed to start paying attention to time because now it would pass quicker than I could ever imagine.  It is a memory I will cherish forever. 

When my father passed away a few years ago I put the watch away.  I simply could not wear it.  A few weeks ago I remembered how much I loved it and decided to start wearing it again.  The problem was it stopped working.  I took it to a really great place on the west side called Westchester Watchworks.  You can check them out at www.westchesterwatchworks.com .  It is owned and operated by the Lyon family and I am so grateful to them for fixing it.  I’m not sure what they did but I got it back and not only does it work but it looks like the day he gave it to me.  Thank you!

So what does any of this have to do with dating?  Here we go!  I’m on a date and I’m wearing my watch.  We are having drinks and all is well.  We’re talking and laughing and without even noticing I was doing it, I start fiddling with the watch.  I’m touching it, rolling it around my wrist, smiling to myself because I was so happy to be wearing it.  In the middle of my saying something that was undoubtedly funny and cute, my date puts up his hand and says, “If you’re bored and want to go just say so.  I don’t appreciate that you’ve been playing with your watch and checking the time for over an hour.  You are being rude and if you want to go, just get lost and stop wasting my time.”  He then calls over the waiter and gets the check.  After the initial shock wears off I try to tell him the story of my watch but he is having none of it.  He goes on to tell me, “If you were not into it you could have left before I dropped 40 bucks on drinks with someone who could care less about me and what I have to say.”  He throws some cash on the table, thanks me for wasting his time, and leaves.

Can I pick em or what?  Now he knows about my blog and so I’m sure he figured out he was going to make it in and I hope he is reading this.  Listen to me, I am so sick of men saying women are dramatic.  Perhaps the real issue is that MEN are dramatic.  I would have explained the story.  I would have stopped if you mentioned it.  I would have paid for the drinks so you were not out your precious 40 bucks.  At some point you have got to stop labeling women as crazy and do some self reflection. 

We are all just trying to meet someone and I appreciate that it’s hard for all of us.  What are the chances that anyone will meet their Beshert?  I imagine the odds are not stellar.  That said, cut me some slack fella.  You need to get a grip and not allow your ego to take center stage on a date.  It’s just not that attractive.  Men like you will not break my spirit and send me to the pound to get 8 cats!  My Beshert and I will make our way to each other.  I am always going to be hopeful.  That said, every once in a while, it is challenging to keep the faith.

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August 3, 2009 | 9:17 pm

Really?

Posted by Ilana Angel

So I have this killer little black dress.  It’s beautiful.  Just the right amount of boobage and leg and just tight enough on my tuchas to look good but still allow me to walk and breathe.  Every single time I wear it I look in the mirror and I say to myself, “You look soooo cute.”  It’s my go to dress when I can’t think of anything to wear.  Work, wedding, bridal shower, party, you name it, this dress is divine.  Dress it up or dress it down, it is perfect.

If I love this dress so much, wear if so often and take such good care of it, why oh why and more importantly HOW is it possible that I can put on this magical dress for a date and think to myself, “Really?  This is THE dress?  This dress sucks.”  This realization is promptly followed by 30 minutes of my tearing apart my closet for something to wear.  Why?  I ask you….. WWWWHHHHYYYY?

It’s just a date.  We’re not getting married, we’re just having dinner.  Why is the selection of an outfit for a date such a big deal?  If I never see him again then who cares what I wore?  If we get married and live happily ever after I’ll be lucky if he remembers our anniversary so what are the chances he is ever going to remember what I wore? 

So now I’m home, my perfect LBD is staring at me from the hanger with clearly hurt feelings.  My room is trashed with all my clothes scattered everywhere.  I’m frustrated and somewhat sad.  Why am I sad you ask?  Because when all is said and done and I’m ready to get dressed, I will end up wearing my perfect little black dress anyway and this entire episode will have been for nothing.

Note to self:  1) Remember to buy a back up little black dress that can work magic incase I can’t quite get there with the original and 2)  Take a deep breathe, clean your room, and keep the faith.

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August 2, 2009 | 2:58 pm

Search Team Being Assembled

Posted by Ilana Angel

I am assembling a top not search team to locate my new boyfriend.  I figure if Jewish geography is properly utilized, we can help each other out.  I invite you all to join my blog at www.everyjew.com and send me a note about what you are looking for.  We all know people who even though we are not interested in them romantically, they are FABULOUS.  If you join and send your info I will Yenta the hell out of it and do a little matchmaking.

I know a lot of single people, both male and female, Jews and non-Jews, gay and straight.  Let’s join forces and make it happen.  Check the blog group and see what people are looking for.  You don’t have to be single to join us, you just need to have single friends who want to be set up. 

So here’s my deal: I like men who are tall.  That said, I’m only 5’3” so tall is relative.  I like men who are bald.  That said, having hair is also good as you can play with it if it’s short and grab onto it if it’s long.  I like men with tattoos. I think they tell a story and archive a history, good or bad.  I like men who ride a Harley.  While I would never ride myself, I like being on the back of one and holding on to a yummy man.  I like Jewish men.  Just my thing and not worth elaborating on since I will undoubtedly get messages about what a bigot I am.  While I find these postings from angry people and militant web sites to be very entertaining, let’s stay focused!

With all that said, I am not going to limit myself and only look for the men I’ve described.  If you know someone who is Jewish and kind, funny and smart, then bring him on.  I’m wise enough to think outside the box and am willing to meet anyone you think is a match.  I’m compiling a listing of all my single friends and working on getting them to join us.  At the very least we will all make new friends and at the very best we will perhaps find love. 
Even if it only works for one of us it will have been a successful experiment and a lesson that we must always keep the faith.

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August 2, 2009 | 1:45 am

Best Date Ever

Posted by Ilana Angel

Miracle of miracles!  Tonight I had the best date ever.  It started off with a walk to the local Blockbuster where we rented a couple of movies.  On the way back we stopped by Whole Foods and picked up some pasta and salad for dinner.  We laughed and had the best time while preparing a yummy meal.  After dinner we went for a walk.  We strolled and held hands while we chatted about love and dating and the future.  We came back to my place and watched a movie.  It was Marley and Me and I cried like a baby.  He kept passing me tissues and at one point told me “Don’t cry.  It’s OK.  I love you.” 

After dinner we sat on the balcony and talked about our favorite foods and what we’d like to do together next week.  He was charming and funny.  Attentive and handsome.  Cuddly and delicious.  It was the perfect date.  Absolutely perfect.  I finally figured out how to have the perfect evening with the perfect man.  You simply make the man yourself. 

I spent the evening with my 13 year old son and it was perfection.  I don’t imagine I have many nights like this left.  It was a fluke that he happened to be home at all on a Saturday night and not out with his friends at the movies or a party.  I love him more than I can ever express or even understand.  He is my hero and my friend.  He brings me unlimited joy and I am so grateful and blessed to be his mother.  At the end of the day he is the reason that I am able to keep the faith.

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August 1, 2009 | 2:11 pm

Labels Required

Posted by Ilana Angel

I spent last night attending Shabbat services at Beit T’Shuvah.  They are located on Venice Blvd. in Los Angeles and if you’ve never been, I recommend it.  It’s a great service with amazing music and lots of soul.  It will leave you feeling connected and grateful.  The Rabbi is inspiring and the Cantor is brilliant and you will experience Judaism in a way that is completely different from what you’re used to.  But I digress……

I walk in at 6:40 which is 10 minutes late.  It’s a packed house so I stand in the back looking for an empty seat when I locate one in front and off to the side.  I’m making my way across the sanctuary and it occurs to me as I look around that Temple is packed full of delicious looking men.  There are older sophisticated ones, bad boys with shaved heads and tattoos, business men, and some regular guys thrown in the mix who have all gathered for some spirituality.

I am keenly aware that people are watching the late girl walk in.  I smile and whisper Good Shabbas as I walk through.  I make it to my seat, get settled in and start clapping to the music. Since I’m now at the front and on the side, I can look at everyone.  People smile and nod and wave.  It’s all quite lovely and engaging and I was immediately glad I had schlepped from the valley in Friday night traffic.

Maybe it’s because it’s Shabbat and everyone is being kind and friendly but the problem with trying to meet men at services is that you don’t know if they are being attentive because of the location and purpose that brought them there, or if they are actually showing interest in you.  It’s like my blog from yesterday where I shared that I couldn’t tell if men were gay or not.  I think I have a much bigger issue in that I simply am not able to clearly define flirting.  While I am a master flirter myself, I really cannot sense it in others.  I think everyone is flirting with me all the time. 

I think there should be labels, just a little something to help a single girl out.  It could be a lapel pin or a button or wait, this is it!  A business card that is discreetly passed to you.  It could be totally cute and a must have for the fall fashion season.  I propose the following versions: SINGLE, MARRIED, TAKING A BREAK, PLAYER, NOT READY, I’LL NEVER CALL YOU, YOUR BROTHER IS HOT, AVAILABLE, NOT INTERESTED, I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.

It would make it all so much easier.  I’m a smart girl, both educated and street smart.  I’m looking for love, want to share my life with someone and believe I bring a lot to the table.  The thing is, I’m never going to meet anyone if I’m unable to read the signs.  I don’t think I was always like this.  After suffering a broken heart some women are left jaded and bitter.  Not me.  A broken heart has left me a little dumb.  I have lost my mojo. 

I shall pray that I get my common sense back and will focus on keeping the faith.

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