Posted by Ilana Angel
For the past 13 years I’ve been searching for love. I’ve looked online, had endless set ups by friends, singles events at Temple, spontaneous meetings at the grocery store, casual meetings in line at the bank, etc., etc., etc. Shy of trolling the Jewish Home for the Aged during Sunday bingo, I really have tried every avenue. I met some great men along the way and had two long term relationships. Both relationships ended with the heartbreaking “I’m just not ready to settle down” speech. The speech was followed by the men quickly meeting other women and settling down. I invested in what I thought was going to be my partner for life only to have them give everything they promised me, to someone else. All you can do is cry, pick up the pieces and send an invoice to the girls they fell in love with for a $10,000 prep fee for getting their men ready for marriage.
The problem with looking for love is that it’s a full time job. You have to register for dating services, sort though all the men who show interest, weed out the yucky ones, read, write and respond to emails, have long drawn out phone conversations, check with friends to make sure they have not dated him, and find a picture that doesn’t make you look fat, old or ugly. I have to do all this while still finding time to work and be a mom. I imagine if you’re under 30 the task is easier. Under 30 you’re perky, tight and things are where they’re supposed to be, not hanging just a little too low or a little too loose. Your eggs are fertile and fresh and ready to go to market. You lack the jaded, somewhat bitter air that accompanies a single woman over 40. But enough about the enemy. By the enemy I mean lovely women who are young and fabulous. By young and fabulous I mean good for you ladies and good luck with that. By good luck with that, I mean back off. There is no real enemy. Women need to support each other. We are all looking for happiness and we all deserve it. However, in the spirit of woman and children first off the Titanic, let the older ones go first!
I’m 43, cute and funny. Not a super model but I take care of myself and have a real body with all the right stuff in all the right places. The struggle for middle aged women is that the dating pool is small. If we want to date someone younger, we are labeled cougars and chances are younger men want to have children and our eggs are slightly poached. If we date someone older, we are in our sexual prime, want romance and travel while the men enjoy early bird specials followed by the 6 pm showing of Larry King immediately followed by sleep. Meeting someone in our own age group is near impossible as they have figured out they are a hot commodity and can get the 24 year old trophy wife. We’re smart enough to not care what people think about us and experienced enough to know our way around a kitchen, a laundry room and a bedroom. There are things that a 43 year old woman can offer that a younger version simply cannot. Can a man in his 40’s and 50’s really have a successful relationship with a woman in her 20’s?
At the end of the day one must remain hopeful that true love can be found. I won’t stop looking. My goal is to find a wonderful Jewish man to share my life. If he can appreciate what I have to offer, I will forgive that he does not know the difference between 5’7” and 5’11”. All one really needs to focus on, is keeping the faith.
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