July 31, 2009 | 4:24 pm

Random Stuff

Posted by Ilana Angel

This is some random stuff that has crossed my mind.  Looking forward to hearing what people have to share.

When you’re on a date, and it’s going well, and you’ve had dinner, and you see what each other orders, and you’re walking to the car, and you know there is going to be a kiss, and you’re hoping it’s a good one, can you offer your date a piece of gum or breath mint?  If it were your significant other, it would be a simple “Here Babe take a Tic-Tac”.  But what if it’s new and the kiss will be judged by the breath?  Mint or no mint?

If you go on a date and it’s going pretty well and you say you’re going to the bathroom and when you get up he walks with you, follows you there, waits outside for you to finish and then walks you back to the table without an explanation, is that chivalry or red flag crazy?  Dump or date two?

When you meet someone new for a drink and you’ve seen his picture and he tells you he is 5’10” and when you get there he is 5’6” and the picture you saw was taken about 15 years ago, can you simply leave because he is a liar or do you stay because you don’t want to hurt his feelings and clearly he is delusional and it would be mean?  Stay or bail?

If you’re a mature consenting adult and you’re getting to the make out stage, do you shave your legs incase tonight is the night or do you not shave your legs so you won’t be tempted to go too far?  At what point can a woman sleep with a man and not be labeled a slut?  How many dates difference is there between a slut and a lady?  Shave or don’t shave?

July 31, 2009 | 6:08 am

Didn’t See It Coming

Posted by Ilana Angel

Today I saw the most beautiful gay couple at the mall. They were both so attractive and happy looking, holding hands and not paying attention to anyone but each other.  It made me sigh and look forward to having it for myself one day.  (A relationship, not a gay boyfriend.)  It reminded me of an experience I had a few weeks ago. 

I was looking particularly good on a random Tuesday.  Hair looks pretty, I’m wearing a cute outfit, too high but fabulous heels and I feel good.  I have time to kill before my son is dropped off from a beach day with friends so I decide to stop into Whole Foods to get a few things.  I get my little basket and I’m rocking the iPod while reading labels in the vitamin aisle.  As I’m learning about melatonin and the sleeping benefits it delivers, I feel a tap on my shoulder.  I’m a little startled as I was preoccupied with the serenading of Michael Buble and as I turn around I see him.  He is yummy.  Floppy hair and big smile with Osmond perfect teeth.  I take my earphones out, smile from ear to ear and say hello.  He tells me that he sees I am looking at the melatonin and he wants to share that he takes it and it’s fabulous. 

As we start to talk about how horrible it is to not sleep, it occurs to me that he is hitting on me.  This fabulous man is being all flirty.  I stand up a little straighter, start twirling my hair and hang on to every word he is saying as if it were gospel.  He leans in and brushes my arm and tells me we should grab a drink sometime.  A great beginning.  This could be a good one people.  After five minutes of chatting I learn that he is an architect, originally from Chicago.  46 and about 5’9” who clearly spends time at the gym.  I tell him I’d love to grab a drink and reach into my ridiculously big handbag searching for my business cards.  I’m telling him about a great place in the neighborhood where we can drab a drink one night after work.  I locate the cards and look up to deliver my info.  He is smiling at me, telling my how great it was that we met when an equally handsome man, in an argyle vest and fabulous jeans comes over, gives him a perfect hello kiss and says “Sorry I’m late Babe.”

I did not even see it coming. Not even a clue that this was even remotely a possibility.  He turns to him and says “Babe you have got to meet Ilana she is fabulous.”  I shake his hand and don’t allow my palpable disappointment to show.  We all hug and make plans to have drinks the following week.  I heard from him 2 days later and we did have that drink and have become friends. It’s not the first time I flirted with a gay man oblivious to the fact that he is gay and I’m sure it won’t be the last.  I’m not good at detecting if someone is gay.  I could be hit on by a fabulous lesbian and would never figure it out.  I would just assume she was a friendly girl and we should grab lunch and go shopping. It’s sad really.  By sad I mean mortifying.  All I can do is laugh at myself and focus on keeping the faith.

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July 30, 2009 | 6:15 pm

A Legacy of Hate

Posted by Ilana Angel

On July 27th I blogged an entry called “Don’t break your Mamma’s heart” about a topic that is important to me, my son marrying a Jew.  Granted he’s only 13 and though I can let this one go for a while, I do think about it. 

I am so surprised by some of the reactions that I decided to revisit the issue.  There are some comments up on the site, some have been removed because I thought they were offensive and I’m sure many that have not been shared.  This is America and we are all free to share our opinions and thoughts about any topic we want.  Let’s just take a deep breath though and get some perspective.  It’s a blog.  I am not saving lives or changing the world.  I’m just writing about things that interest me, can maybe make people think or relate or just laugh.

“Legacy” wrote this morning to tell me I’m a bigot and an a**hole.  He mentioned that his “Goy” Grandfather liberated Poland and so therefore my blog implied that I hated everyone who was not a Jew and was ungrateful for his service.  Interesting.  Listen to me “Legacy”:  I am very grateful to your Grandfather for his service.  I worked for years in Holocaust education and am keenly aware of both what happened to the Jews and the bravery of the men and women of the armed services who liberated them.  I am sure that your Grandfather, having seen the devastation to the Jewish people first hand, would understand my feelings on this topic and my desire to keep my faith alive within my family.  I’m sure he’s also very proud of his grandchild for not only calling a complete stranger an a**hole in a public forum, but also for hiding behind an alias.

To make myself clear, I will love who my son chooses to love.  Unconditionally.  He is my child and his happiness is the most important thing to me.  That said, I am a Jew and I work very hard to pass down the traditions and history of my faith to my son.  He will tell you he is a proud Jew, loves his faith, and embraces our history which means I’ve done my job correctly. 

I don’t hate people who are not Jewish.  I don’t call people I don’t know a**holes. (Although I have said worse to random people on the 405 who don’t know how to drive but they never hear me.)  I am a caring and devoted mother who wants the best for her child and you calling me an a**hole makes me even prouder of my boy as I know he would never be so rude or disrespectful.

I’m going to keep on blogging.  I’m going to keep on pushing for my kid to marry a Jew.  I’m going pray for crazy people.  I’m going to find love and he is going to be a Jew.  To my new friend Legacy, you need to just relax because at the end of the day, it’s all about keeping the faith.

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July 29, 2009 | 9:37 pm

The Power of a Kiss

Posted by Ilana Angel

Have you ever had a perfect date?  The kind where you feel sick to your stomach in anticipation of meeting him?  Where you buy a new outfit, get your hair blown out, mani and pedi, shave your legs and don’t eat for 3 days before the big night so you’ll look perfect?  The kind of date where even before it happens you are filled with hope and promise and the giddiness of a schoolgirl?

I met a great guy on JDate and we talked a few times over the course of a week.  He was charming, funny, and witty with just the perfect amount of sarcasm thrown in.  We were the same age, both divorced and both single parents with one child each.  My son is 13 and his daughter is 12.  Just perfect. 

We talked a lot on the phone because we both had our kids and it was going to be a little over a week before our schedules would allow us to meet.  That’s both good and bad.  Good because you can get to know someone and have some deeper conversations.  Bad because you build a connection with someone who you’ve never seen.  We talked into the wee hours of the morning after the kids were sleeping with neither one of us wanting to hang up.  We talked about forbidden subjects like politics, religion and sex.  It was grown up and mature and magical and childish.

We decided to meet for dinner at a local sushi restaurant.  (Did I mention that he lives in the valley too?  Perfect.)  I get there first and am sitting at the table when he arrives.  I can see him at the front door and he looks over and smiles and does not stop staring at me as he walks over.  He kisses me on the cheek, sits down and the fairytale begins.  We spent a little over 3 hours at dinner.  Talking and laughing and sharing.  Overall, just a really great date.  It sounds made up and fake.  I’ve been on enough dates to know that it is rare and special.

We leave the restaurant and he walks me to my car.  We’re holding hands and making plans to see each other again.  I’m getting nervous because I know he will kiss me and I can’t wait.  We’re standing at the car, he reaches down and holds my face with both hands and goes in for the big smooch.  I try to remember to breathe, close my eyes, lean in and am hit with what can only be described as the single most disgusting kiss of my entire life.  It’s full of spit and tongue and noises and licking.  The kind of kiss that makes you want to pull your hair out one strand at a time.  The kind of kiss where you had to choose between another one and kissing a skunk smack on the mouth with tongue, you’d take the skunk.

We went out one more time after that.  Maybe I should have had iced tea instead of sake.  Maybe he was nervous.  Maybe I put too much pressure on myself in my head because everything was so perfect.  Maybe the next time would be better.  Maybe, maybe, maybe.  Please God just maybe.  Nope.  Didn’t change second time around. Not even a little bit better.  In fact, it might of actually been worse the second time around.  At the end of the day there is a lot of power in a kiss.  It is the most intimate of touches and can say so much and mean everything.  The perfect kiss allows us, for that spectacular moment, to keep the faith.

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July 28, 2009 | 6:54 pm

Crazy Lies Behind The Phone

Posted by Ilana Angel

I got winked at on Saturday morning by a guy on match.com.  He seemed nice enough.  A good looking guy with a job that he enjoys doing, divorced with no kids.  There were enough things in his profile to make me think I should respond.  I sent him an email to thank him for the interest and say hello.  He wrote me back right away and after a series of emails said he’d like to chat.  We spoke on Sunday night.  We talked for about 25 minutes.  Basic conversation with nothing too deep or life altering, just simple get to know someone fodder.  It was a nice conversation and it ended with him saying he’d like to meet.  I agreed and he said he would call during the week to make a plan.  That was it.  Important to note that by Monday night I mean YESTERDAY.  We just spoke YESTERDAY. 

Last night at 11:00 pm I got an email from him.  Let me share:  The subject line reads:  I REST MY CASE and the message says: “Your everything that is wrong with this site.  Befor I say anything meen (and I could) I will just wish you luck with your fantasy. “ (I kept the grammatical and spelling errors in so as not to alter his words.)  I totally did not get his attitude or how things changed in just a day when we had no contact since our phone call.  So I decided to call him.  When he answered the phone I said hi and let him know I had received his email and was taken back and didn’t get it.  He then went off for 5 minutes telling me how rude I was to not answer his emails.  He said he wrote me 3 emails over the course of the day and I never responded and was therefore a liar and a b**ch and has advertised myself as one way and clearly was another.  He then wished my luck with my search and hung up on me.

Ok.  Let’s talk about this for a minute.  I never got any emails from him.  If I had I would have responded.  I have manners, am considerate and I would never ignore someone who was reaching out.  Is it just me or is there a touch of creepiness about sending 3 emails over the course of a few hours to someone you’ve never met and only had a phone conversation with?  How is it OK on any level for a total stranger to call you a b**ch?

The internet is an unnatural way to meet someone.  It does work however and if you’re willing to put in the time and have no expectations.  It has worked for me and many of my friends.  I am hoping to meet someone who will feel inspired to write me 3 times a day.  I think it’s romantic and actually dig it.  I can also deal with the person I’m dating calling me a b**ch.  I’m a grown up and if I’m being a b**ch call me on it.  Where I take offence is when a complete stranger blames me for what it clearly their own unhappiness and deep unresolved issues with women.

We’re all just trying to live our lives and find someone along the way to share the journey with. I would simply share that perhaps it’s best to hide the crazy until at least your first date.  Anyone can be fabulous when hiding behind a phone.  You can be taller, thinner, younger or bolder when you’ve got a phone between you and another person.  I’m going to strive to always be the same person on the phone that I am in person.  I believe people are inherently good and truly looking for love.  Maybe he had a bad day, maybe he’s been burned or maybe he’s just crazy.  It’s none of my business really.  All I can do it keep trying and stay hopeful while I focus on keeping the faith.

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July 27, 2009 | 5:29 pm

Friends and Enemies

Posted by Ilana Angel

Let’s talk about my friend Laurel.  I focus a lot on the struggles of meeting men when you are over 40.  If you throw Laurel into the mix, then the trouble meeting men is not just limited to women over 40.  Laurel is 26 years old and if we lived in Alaska I could be her mother.  She is gorgeous, smart, funny and Jewish.  She is my friend.  A good friend.  That said….. she is also the enemy.  She is what the men I am interested in, are interested in.  (You can find Laurel at www.everyjew.com )  The good thing about Laurel is that she is not interested in the men that I am interested in.  Seriously, what could she have in common with someone who is in his late 40’s?  When their kids go off to college she will be in her sexual prime and he will be in his 60’s.  I know it has worked for some and Mazel Tov to those lucky few.  Laurel has come to terms with the fact that she is both my friend and my enemy.  We are both looking for love and have agreed that I will not aim my sites on anyone under 40 and she will not aim above 40.  There is nothing better than having an enemy who is also your friend.  We are just two women looking for our happily ever after.  The good news is that if I take off my glasses, squint my eyes and have 2 glasses of wine, her ankles look quite fat.  Thank goodness for that because if she were perfect it would be a real struggle for me for me to be her friend.

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July 27, 2009 | 6:30 am

Let the blogging begin!

Posted by Ilana Angel

The purpose of this blog is to share stories and experiences about what it’s like to date in Los Angeles.  People say it’s harder to date in LA but I personally think it’s hard to date in any city.  I’m not really buying the “It’s tougher in LA because everyone is jaded and there are a million skinny super models for every normal girl theory”.  It’s hard.  Period.  If you have any questions or suggestions, let me know.  If you have a great son/brother/business associate/neighbor that you think I should go out with, let me know!  If you’re single and looking to meet people to date or network, then sign up at http://www.everyjew.com/group/askanangel and be a part of my blog.  I will be on here every day gabbing and will cruise around the site and if I see you and think you’re a match for someone I’ll work my yenta magic.  I’m going to talk about my dates.  The good, the bad and the shoot me now.  So… here we are my friends.  Let’s share and laugh and cry and maybe learn something from each other.  We’ll all yenta and set each other up and make Jewish geography our friend.  It’s a pleasure to meet you all!

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July 27, 2009 | 5:26 am

Don’t Break Your Mamma’s Heart!

Posted by Ilana Angel

“I want you to marry a nice Jewish girl.”  These are words that I tell my thirteen year old son on a regular basis.  He knows that if he decides to marry a girl that is not Jewish, I will of course love her but he will be required to pay me back every penny I paid for his private Jewish Day School education as well as for his Bar Mitzvah. 

At thirteen, my son has asked “Mom isn’t it more important that I find a girl to love, who loves me back, regardless of what her religion is?”  I am so impressed with him for wanting to find love and being open to other religions.  It makes me proud that I have raised a man of integrity.  That said, when he asks me these important questions I send him to his room and remind him that he owes me a lot of money.  It begs the question: What is wrong with marrying a nice Jewish girl? 

I’m Jewish.  More spiritual than religious but I go to Temple more often than just for the high holidays.  I can sing the songs, participate in the prayers and know when to stand up and sit down.  These are things that I feel are important.  Sharing a faith, particularly Judaism is crucial as there are not that many of us!  I can actually understand the allure of being with a girl that’s not Jewish.  It’s somehow forbidden and goes against what is expected.  By expected, I mean what Jewish mothers pray for every day for their children.  What happened to the good old days when Jews married Jews? 

I get a lot of gentle pressure from my friends to date outside my faith.  I was married to a Jew and it did not work out so they figure I need to broaden my horizons.  When I tell them I only date Jewish men they roll their eyes and tell me I’m crazy.  Here’s the thing, I like being with a Jew and think it’s important to show the value of a shared religion to my son as he starts dating.  It’s a deal breaker for me and God willing will be a deal breaker for my son.  By deal breaker for my son, I mean I will be crushed if he puts my Grandmother’s ring on a finger that is attached to a girl who is not Jewish.

Here’s a list of things that men have said they like about women who are not Jewish: They like to slow dance in the kitchen while making dinner. They think kissing is an art. They are great communicators, loyal friends and wonderful mothers.  They don’t care what kind of car he drives or what he does for a living, as long as he has a job that he cares about and a way to get there.  They can be ready to go anywhere in 10 minutes.  They care about people and don’t judge.  They think sex is important and don’t use it a power chip or view it as a chore.  Well surprise, this is a list of things that I wrote about myself on my jDate profile.  These things describe not only me, but a lot of modern Jewish women.  Has the truth about what a Jewish woman is been blurred?

At the end of the day, we are a great people and no one gets us like we do.  Men need to think outside the stereotypes and look inside the box.  Fabulous Jewish women exist.  We are here and waiting for you to figure it out.  Look within our faith for love because at the end of the day, it’s all about keeping the faith.

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