January 24, 2011 | 4:26 am
Posted by Merissa Nathan Gerson
Help me Yenta!!!
This is a fairly general question but, WHAT DO WOMEN WANT IN BED? I NEED TO KNOW!
To answer your question I gathered four experienced women who happen to be farmers. Farmers are in touch with themselves, the earth and as a solid byproduct, their sexuality. Here, for the answer to your questions, are their replies:
Farmer 1: Men think they should know everything.
Farmer 2: Like how to please a woman.
Farmer 1: And they don’t think they should ask because that makes them seem inexperienced.
Farmer 3: And that’s the thing that makes them inexperienced.
Farmer 2: An experienced man knows to ask.
A mechanic told me that women get their cars fixed better than men. Why? Because most women walk in and say, “There was a clicking and humming on the left side of the car.” Most men, however, come in saying something like, “My carborator is broken,” when really it is the exhaust or the brake pads. The difference: the man wanted to fake like he knew, and ended up with a bad result.
Farmer 1: It’s not even a question, women want all different things. It is going to change every day, you just have to talk to her.
Farmer 2: Yeah, ask. Ask her.
Farmer 3: Yeah, that’s the best sex advice ever, just talk.
Farmer 2: You have to be a little bit ballsy, and if you ask, it pays off.
Farmer 1: If you don’t ask then it is either bad, or you don’t ever see that person again because they weren’t satisfied.
Farmer 4: I would say that women are the same way. We wonder what he likes, but are often too afraid to ask.
Farmer 3: And that’s what makes it bad, not seeing what he likes.
So nugget number one: ASK. Always.
I once had a friend who was annoyed about catering to women, “What am I supposed to do,” he asked, “treat every woman I sleep with like she is the survivor of rape and incest?” The answer: Yes. How do you treat a survivor? With respect, listening to her cues. That shouldn’t be so hard. Every woman you sleep with is a potential survivor of abuse. Does that mean she wants to be cuddled and coddled? Maybe. And maybe not.
One man I knew in college was so sensitive that he treated his girlfriend with extreme care. Years later she took me aside and complained, angrily, about how he was so tender all the time, that he wouldn’t listen to her actual wants and needs. She liked it rough and he liked treating her like a fragile delicate flower.
Farmer 1: An ideal lover is someone capable of both being able to communicate and ask, while still being masculine, being a leader.
Farmer 3: I am really turned on when a man takes control.
Farmer 4: Take charge can mean, “does this feel good?” It can be as simple as taking charge through questions.
We concurred that a good lover is like a good dance partner. He takes charge, but it is a symbiotic relationship. Ie, for him to take charge, you have to give the reigns. It is mythical power, a structure in place for the sake of leading towards a goal.
Farmer Yenta: They are leading you, but you are still fueling that dance.
Farmer 1: It is about creating a safe space for expression.
Farmer 1: Give because you want to give, never expect anything in return. Giving to receive ends in resentment.
Farmer 3: Yeah, just don’t give at all if you don’t enjoy it.
Top farmer sex read: The Guide To Getting It On! by Paul Joannides
Ask Yenta an anonymous question! Send an e-mail via www.send-email.org to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com.
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