August 9, 2010 | 9:33 pm
Posted by Merissa Nathan Gerson
My Dear Yenta,
I went to this seminar called Landmark Forum with this girl from work. I didn’t really know her, but I figured I would give it a try since I had no idea what it was. The seminar turned out to be a bad experience in a very unsafe environment. This girl tried to get me to join by trying to convince me that I was unhappy and I needed this seminar. At the time I didn’t defend myself the way I should have.
Six months later she is still making condescending comments and ridiculous assumptions. I decide to graciously confront her and she was very understanding about it and I really thought we would be friends after that. Instead, after a few days, she started being very short with me, and now she flat out ignores me when I say hi…even in front of people. And if she does say hi, which is rare, she won’t look at me as if she refuses to acknowledge that I am speaking to her.
This has become frustrating because this is my work environment. It took six months to confront her and I doubt confronting her again would be a good idea. I feel that if I make it a point to ignore her when I see her, I’m participating in her awful method of communication/non-communication – but at the same time, I don’t want to be coldly ignored. Help!
-Sick of the Mean Girl
If it looks like a pig, walks like a pig and smells like a pig, then it is probably a pig. And where I come from, we don’t eat pigs, let alone care what they think of us. Remind me why this woman’s opinion matters in the least?
It sucks, I know, when people don’t like you. In fact, it is the absolute worst thing in the world when you want someone to like you and they don’t. But shit happens, and some people have their own issues that really don’t reflect on your own goodness. If you have reached out and all she has done is bite back, then you get to fold knowing you tried.
This is one of those situations where it helps to take this hater as a blessing, training you to love yourself no matter what. One reason mean girls mess with our heads is because they replicate the negative voices that hold us down. If you are trying to stay positive at work and some evil chick is giving you the stare-down, I completely get why it unnerves you. But honey, build a thicker skin. Period. You just smile at that girl every time you see her and expect nothing in response.
Isn’t that the trouble? That you want her respect, that you expect some mark of approval from her treatment of you? Are you afraid her judgments were true? Are you afraid you are unhappy? Or was she wrong? Don’t project your fears onto this twat of a co-worker. Just smile, nod, think happy mother Theresa thoughts and walk away. Why confront her? She also, subconsciously, could hate you because you expressed some of her deepest fears too. Maybe Landmark whatever creeps her out just the same.
Don’t give her so much clout. Her sour face is now her probloem, and your problem is learning to love yourself regardless of those attempting to hold you back. Put all that concern and love elsewhere, like by befriending a new coworker or starting a badass new project.
Protect your heart, sage your body, give thanks, seek divine protection: do whatever it is you need to do to feel like this woman has no pull on your sacred spirit. Fill your pockets with Kosher salt to ward off evil and be sure not to fraternize with swine in the future.
Ask Yenta an anonymous question! Send an e-mail via www.send-email.org to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com.
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