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Jewish Journal

Advice From Your Moms

by  Merissa Nathan Gerson

May 8, 2011 | 8:13 am

We love our mothers because, among other things, they made us cool. Photo courtesy of Victor Jeffreys II, phiary.com/diary/victor.

In honor of Mother’s Day I anonymously interviewed a handful of America’s finest matriarchs. Before we begin, a humble shout out to the mothers we have lost whose advice on these topics would have no doubt assisted women everywhere in living on their wilder side, including but not limited to the fabulous Kathy Blane, Sherry Millard, and the many others who shaped the better of our generation. You are missed.

Without further ado, The Wisdom of Your Moms:

Advice to a virgin:

It might not be great the first time.

Lubricate yourself.

Go for it!

Hold on to it, it’s not going anywhere.

Get birth control - you never know when children will happen.

Advice to a woman who can’t come:

This is if there isn’t some medical or other serious reason she can’t:

Relax.

Have a drink.

Get a sex toy online so you don’t have to deal with any hassle. And then just teach yourself how to do it.

Bedroom advice for men:

Slow down, take your time, listen.

This is not a race to the finish.

Secret sexual knowledge:

Be sexy.

Be open to try new things.

Know what your guy wants.

How do you know what he wants?

Men don’t verbalize normally, but they do try to lead the way and you just have to trust and go for it.

How do you know if there is more to him as a lover than what he says he wants?

Show him.

Push his limits.

Be totally open.

Follow the moment.

Advice to a woman with many lovers:

Stop.

Get rid of most of them. Pare it down and simplify your life.

Advice to a woman with a cheating partner:

Get rid of him - unless you have a child. And even then, I don’t think I could deal with it, but some people can.

Advice for finding a husband:

Don’t try to find it - they will come to you.I was asked by four men for their hand in marriage but it wasn’t something that I wanted to do. The fifth was the man I married. Sometimes women scare men away because they so need to get married.

There’s a difference between declarative intention, ie, I will find a good man, and needy desperation to transform a lover into a husband.

Guys take their own time. The more you push, the more they move away from you.

Demand to be treated with respect.

No man is going to want you if you don’t have self-respect. If you expect respect, you will get respect.

Don’t give it away for free.

Pursue your interests and have a good time.

Advice to a newlywed:

You have to stop thinking about yourself. Even in this age of equality, it’s compromise. You have to go 60/40 in a marriage to make it work.

The real thing is, you have to compromise, but you also have to be yourself. Deal with who you are and the other things will fall into place.

Be sure that before you get married, you know who you are marrying. People don’t change. A lot of women expect that marriage will transform their husband into a new and better person. What you got dating him, you will get after the wedding. After marriage he will still be him, so be sure you like that person.

The party is over. The work is here.

There is always a downside after the performance of a wedding, relax, you will get through it.

Sometimes women are so focused on the wedding that they forget there is a marriage that happens after it. Marriage does happen.

Talk to your spouse.Enjoy it now, it’s never going to be as simple as it is at that moment. It will get better, richer and more complex, but never as simple and wonderful as those first few months.

Advice on good living:

Just be happy.

Don’t have crazy expectations and don’t push people.

Don’t wear yourself out. 

Shore some of the responsibility, let others be there for you.

Don’t try to do everything.

Do everything.

And finally, to my own mom, the invincible: I love you.

Happy Mother’s Day from Your 28-Year-Old Yenta!!!

Ask Yenta!  E-mail a question to merissag[at]gmail[dot]com directly, or using www.send-email.org to ask anonymously.

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