July 6, 2006
To Tell the Truth
Harry Potter's Mirror of Erised, tucked into a secret room in the dark corridors of Hogwarts, allows the person who looks into it to see what they most desire to be. There seems to be a similar notion in the world of online dating.
A computer becomes a tool to create a "new and improved" version of yourself.
Short people become "not overly tall," shy people become "pensive and thoughtful," unemployed becomes "self-employed," and living with the folks becomes "family oriented and saving for the future." Delusional becomes creative. And dating reaches some desperate lows.
A little embellishment here and there isn't so bad -- creativity and a sense of humor are always great things. But there are just certain things that you should never lie about.
1. Physical attributes.
"My eyes are only blue with certain outfits" is actually a buyable lie. But height is pretty much set in stone once you exit the teens.
Then, of course, there is the touchy subject of weight. Most people probably post their wishful driver's license weight, thinking at least they have "proof" in writing.
One guy admitted to me that although his profile said he was 170 he was more like 190, and honesty is a good thing, right? So how was he to explain the additional 45 pounds that followed him to my door on our first date? Did he think that I just wasn't going to notice, or believe that he went on a crazy pre-date jitters eating binge that made 45 pounds show up overnight?
I've had too many dates start with a smile and confusion as I have an inner dialogue: That's who I've been talking to? Did I remember to ask him if his photos were recent? How fast can I eat this ice cream and leave without getting brain freeze?
One guy who was already four years older then me lied and made himself even older! When I asked him why, he said that he looked older anyway so he changed his age to match what people usually said. Excuse me? I mean I've been told oodles of times that I have a baby face, but you don't see me telling people that I'm 300 months old to somehow get that infantile sense.
4. Personal Habits
5. Odds and Ends Details
The bottom line is just don't do it. Do you really think people aren't going to notice those few inches, those extra pounds that cloud of smoke around your head? What do you expect will happen when you start a relationship by completely misrepresenting yourself?
Most of the men I've confronted about it just got mad, hoping that I would "give this a chance." Give what a chance? The delusional version of yourself that you created in your own Mirror of Erised? I don't think so. The next upgrade that online dating needs is a giant red stamp saying liar that a person can vote to place over your profile, warning the next innocent online dater of what is really going on.
Caroline Cobrin is a writer living in Van Nuys and can be reached at email@example.com.