Jewish Journal


February 2, 2006

The Hebrascope: Signs of the Jewdiac

For the week of Sunday, Feb. 5 -- Saturday, Feb. 11, 2006


(January 20-February 18)

Notable Jewish Aquarius:

Ted Koppell

If that designer dress on the back rack at the department store seems too good to be true, there's likely to be a hole in the seam. Examine all of your purchases very carefully this week. Sure, you can return faulty merchandise, but not without buying yourself an afternoon of hassle and a handful of irritation. This week, you may find yourself not only reading this very horoscope, but also drawn to other things that seem flaky and New Age. Indulge. No one will see you coming out of that groovy bookstore, and your mind is open to new ideas that border on the spiritual. Kabbalah, anyone?

(February 19-March 20)

Notable Jewish Pisces:

Josh Groban

If you can't tell what pitch is coming toward you at home plate, just use your eagle eyes and that good old Pisces intuition. While this week might throw you a couple of curve balls, if you pause and do a "gut check," you will know exactly what to do. At the end of the week, you will have an easy time expressing yourself. The downside of this is that you will have a few whacked-out ideas that are best kept to yourself for now. Folks might not be ready for what you have to say if it's way out of left-field (keeping the baseball metaphor going like a line drive), so it may be best to just write it in your journal and see if it makes sense next week.

(March 21-April 20)

Notable Jewish Aries:

William Shatner

Sometimes you have complex, amazing dreams that -- when described in loving detail -- bore your friends beyond belief. No matter. Instead of telling your friends about the floating knitting needles and baskets of ferrets and what they represent, write down the symbols in your dreams and any other nighttime inspirations. With Mercury moving into Pisces this week, creative energy is flowing and you don't want to miss a thing. Anyone, from a poet to a financial advisor, can dream up a solution to a vexing problem. For Aries, this is the week to tune in. Nighty-night.

(April 21-May 20)

Notable Jewish Taurus:

Golda Meir

You take Madonna as Eva Peron, and then you take Madonna as ... Madonna, and that's the type of personal drive this week is all about for Taurus. When you're on the treadmill, crank it up. When dealing with work goals and ambitions, channel the determination of Esther/Madonna and make it happen. Be careful not to waste this energy but to focus it in a specific direction. Also, you may meet one of your idols this week. Whether that hero is standing in line ahead of you at the grocery store or briskly walking by you on the street, take note. And be inspired.

(May 21 -- June 20)

Notable Jewish Gemini:

Mel Blanc

You know that old adage about how playing with good tennis players makes you better? Well, it follows that playing with losers makes you worse. "Losers" sounds a bit harsh. What I mean is this: Gemini should avoid pessimistic, sad-sack people this week. They will bring down your game until everything goes right into the net of negativity. The mood of those around you is infectious, so choose your doubles partners carefully. If there is any confusion surrounding your career, it will intensify this week. Sorry, I don't make the news. I just report it. More clarity will come next week if you keep you eye on the sports clichés.

(June 21-July 20)

Notable Jewish Cancer:

Marc Chagall

Good teachers and healers will present themselves this week. I'm not just talking about rabbis, physicians and professors, but healers of all kinds. There may be a great acupuncturist you haven't tried (and what a fun way to spend your 2006 medical deductible, with a needle sticking out of your third eye), or a nutritionist. The security guard who smiles and remembers your name could be a teacher this week. In a related celestial story, folks will be looking to you for guidance, and when you trust your instincts, leading will come naturally.

(July 21 -- August 21)

Notable Jewish Leo:

Bernard Baruch

Pamper yourself this week. I don't mean with diapers; that would be creepy. I mean get a massage, a private Pilates session, a facial or buy yourself that new tool you've been wanting but don't exactly need. After Wednesday, be careful how you present yourself. You may just be crossing your arms because it's cold, or to shroud the imperfect fit of your top, but the gesture reads "I don't approve of you," and people tend not to like that. Is your face frowning when you don't even notice it? Other people do notice, so make sure your body and face communicate what you want them to.

(August 22-September 22)

Notable Jewish Virgo:

Alan Dershowitz

It's so confusing when everyone says to meditate, and you just find yourself sitting in a cramped Lotus position trying not to think about filing the receipts in your wallet or remembering to pick up more bananas at the grocery store. Trust your horoscope. This is a prime time to power through the carnival of trivial thoughts and wait for the deep ones. Set aside some time and just sit -- crossed legs optional. Your wishes are powerful this week, so don't waste them on stuff like, "I wish my boss wasn't such a nudge." Use your powerful wishes wisely.

(September 23-October 22)

Notable Jewish Libra:

Walter Matthau

Hey Libras in love -- spend some time thinking about that good old secular holiday Valentine's Day. Fail to plan and you plan to fail. With a little thought, you should have no trouble coming up with something special. As for work, this is a good week for a positive change, even if that just means putting a plant on your desk or finally changing your outgoing voice-mail message. Money spent on hobbies or personal pursuits might be a cause of tension in your life, so seek moderation.

(October 23-November 22)

Notable Jewish Scorpio:

Calvin Klein

Always say "yes." OK, not to telemarketers, but when social invitations come your way, this is the week to embrace socializing. At the very worst, a party could lead to a few pleasant conversations and some lovely crudités. At best, you may meet someone who can hook you up creatively or professionally. When the moment comes to either go out or stay home, resist the urge to get in your pajamas at 7 p.m. and trust that this is a good time for Scorpios to mingle.

(November 23-December 20)

Notable Jewish Sagittarius:

Steven Spielberg

If you've ever taken an advanced yoga class or worked out with someone more fit than you, you understand the pain of over-extension. Watch the urge to spread yourself too thin this week, whether in work or personal relationships. If you stretch too far, you'll need fistfuls of emotional aspirin and buckets of mentholated rub. For single Sagittarius, this is a good week to notice prospects. Use your peripheral vision and check out the romantic possibilities you may not have noticed. They have noticed you.

(December 21-January 19)

Notable Jewish Capricorn:

Dave Attell

The great thing about listening more than you talk is that not only do people find you charming and empathic, you also avoid saying anything profoundly stupid. This is a good week to sit back and listen. In every situation, breathe and process what you are hearing. It's not just some Dale Carnegie trick to make people love you (though that is a nice side-effect) it's actually a good way to gain insight into those closest to you. As far as work goes, a big break is coming this week. While a decision is required, take your time and don't let yourself be rushed by circumstances.

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