Lisa B.

Photo by Avi Rothman

Here are 13 things about Lisa she wants you to know:

1. I am a huge astronomy lover and own the original Chicago Tribune when Neil Armstrong landed on the moon, July 20, 1969. 

2. I have revised this list 9 times. Niiinnnee timmmess. 

3. I have severe disdain toward shorthand for IM/e-mail. y? u ask. bc it iz goin to ruin the english language, lik u no? 

4. I have been told I am psychic.  

5. I have lived in New York City, Chicago and Los Angeles. I actually hated living in N.Y., and Chicago is a mixed bag, but I love L.A. What can I say? I like to drive and be as far away from the family as possible. 

6. I am very picky with people but will eat any kind of food. 

7. Even though I want to be in a relationship, I really do enjoy spending time alone, and 93 percent of people bug the f—- out of me. The other 7 percent are my friends. 

8. I am a computer/technology geek. I have built PCs, taken apart my Mac mini to install more RAM and love anything computer/tech related. 

9. Being pregnant doesn’t interest me, but adoption does. If I ever have a child, I would prefer a boy and name him Ceven (like the number — with a twist) I thought of this prior to “Seinfeld”!

10. I think that Phoebe, Monica and Rachel from “Friends” are all inside of me: spiritual ditz, a chef who can be anal, and a “JAP” with a horrible romantic life.

11. I consider dancing around my apartment in 10-minute spurts a valid form of exercise. 

12. Even though I am a chef, I have the worst eating habits. I have been eating Filet-o-Fish from Mickey D’s with chocolate milk for over 28 years. I think I could eat anything with tartar sauce. In fact, I think I could live on sauces in general. 

13. I wish I didn’t have freckles or beauty marks, but I’m sure as s—- glad I had a nose job!

BONUS TRACK!  
14. I have been told that although I look like I am high maintenance, I am really low maintenance. 

Here are three things about Lisa I would like you to know:

1. I didn’t ask Lisa to make this list; she did it on her own. So the fact that she added a bonus track to an arbitrary number says something about how deep her anal-retentiveness goes.
2. When I asked her about being psychic, she told me that she can’t predict anything like an earthquake or tsunami. But when asked the temperature of water in a pot and later a random guy’s astrological sign, she was correct both times. I’m not sure that qualifies her as psychic, but if she is, it’s the equivalent of being able to bend your thumb back to your wrist — interesting to look at but of no use to anyone.
3. She’ll sooner sleep with you than cook for you. She views her kitchen the way a surgeon views the operating room:  “It’s my job, and a healthy amount of stress accompanies it.”  So when she does it for free, you’ll know you’ve won her heart. So don’t break it.

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Seth Menachem is an actor and writer living in Los Angeles with his wife and daughter. You can see more of his work on his Web site, sethmenachem.com, and meet even more single peeps by visiting his website mysinglepeeps.com.