My father, rarely impetuous, married my much younger mother when he was 46, and he was 49 when I was born.
When I was a toddler and we went occasionally together to the Berlin zoo, people came up and congratulated my father on his cute grandson. So there was this age gap, to begin with. We went on vacations together to a Baltic Sea resort or Denmark, but we never kicked a soccer ball around (who knew about baseball?).
My father, Dr. Gustav Tugendreich, was a well-known pediatrician and a pioneer in infant health care who had served as a frontline medical officer for four years in the Kaiser's army during World War I.
He was profoundly steeped in German culture, could probably recite most of Goethe's and Schiller's works by heart and was an enthusiastic classical music buff.
As in most upper-class German Jewish families, the upbringing of my older sister and I was left largely in the hands of a devoted governess.
Typical of the time and class, my parents were completely assimilated, much more so than American Jews of that era. My earliest recollection of any religious rite was standing around the Christmas tree with the servants and singing "Stille Nacht, Heilige Nacht" ("Silent Night, Holy Night").
Yet, my father's assimilation had its limits. When he was offered the directorship of the Berlin municipal hospital, on condition that he convert to Christianity, he refused.
Everything, of course, changed in 1933, when Hitler came to power -- but only gradually. First, my father could no longer treat his "Aryan" patients. Then our beloved governess had to leave under a new law that no Aryan woman under 45 could work in a Jewish household.
For me, living in cosmopolitan Berlin, the change was hardly noticeable. I had gone to a private Montessori school, so didn't have to switch. Now I was sent to a suburban Jewish boarding school, where I had the time of my life, the best teachers I have ever known and lived in Albert Einstein's summer home, which he had donated to the boarding school.
In the beginning of the Nazi era, my father, thanks to his international reputation, was offered various positions abroad, including, oddly enough, at the main hospital in Tehran, but he couldn't conceive of leaving Germany. Like many old-time German Jews, he looked on Hitler as a temporary aberration, which the good sense of the German people would soon reverse.
We still spent our family vacations abroad, the only prolonged stretches of time I recall with my father.
It's odd what sticks in your mind. In 1935 or 1936, we vacationed on the idyllic Danish island of Bornholm, staying at a boarding house. One morning, a German man and his family arrived, and when the Danish host tried to introduce him to my father at the breakfast table, the German bowed briefly and stiffly but did not shake hands. My father responded in kind.
What puzzled me at the time was why the German wouldn't shake hands, and later, how he knew immediately that we were Jews.
Finally, in 1937, two years after the Nuremberg laws consigned all Jews to third-class status, my father reluctantly agreed that it was time to leave. As in most families faced with life-changing decisions, it was my mother who was the more flexible, resolute and pragmatic.
But by now, all potential countries of refuge had pretty well closed their borders, and there was a line stretching ahead for years to get an American visa.
We were saved, in retrospect, by one of those odd happenstances that determine our lives.
Back in 1919, British and American Quakers sent missions to defeated Germany to help feed its hungry children, and my father was appointed liaison to the Quakers by the German government. Now my father recalled the brief relationship and tracked down the Quakers.
By a quirk of the U.S. immigration laws, academicians who had taught at a foreign university before emigration, and were guaranteed a one-year position at an American college, were granted a "nonquota" visa and skipped the immigration line.
Though my father had never been a professor, the British and American Quakers went to work and arranged a lectureship in public health, first at the University of London, and then at Bryn Mawr College, near Philadelphia.
So it was decided that my father would go ahead, spend 1937-38 in London and 1938-39 at Bryn Mawr, at which time the rest of the family would join him.
My mother was then head of the German WIZO (Women's International Zionist Organization) and reluctant to leave her post, and, anyhow, what was the hurry? Everybody in Germany knew that Hitler was so shrewd that he would get what he wanted without a war, and of course, anything like a Holocaust was beyond imagination.
My father was always a bit of a worrywart, and I clearly remember how we chuckled over his increasingly urgent letters, especially after the 1938 Munich pact, begging us to forget about bringing the furniture and money and come to America right away.
So we took our time and left flag-bedecked Berlin in style on April 20, 1939 -- Hitler's 50th birthday -- flying from Tempelhof Airport to London, and then traveling on a German passenger ship from Southampton to New York, arriving in the middle of May.
We were met at the harbor by my father and some old Berlin friends (I believe we skipped Ellis Island), but I have no emotional recollection of the reunion.
I do remember that a few weeks later, the reunited family left for a couple of weeks for New Hampshire's scenic White Mountains. There the Quakers had set up a camp with young American counselors to introduce the new refugees, mainly Jewish, to the native customs of their new country.
One lesson was that after each meal, the assorted ex-professors, doctors and lawyers and their wives and children had to bus and clean their own dishes. You have to know the ingrained European class distinctions to realize what an absolute shock this request represented.
My father, who had a great sense of humor, laughed the whole thing off and complied readily. But as I was carrying my dishes, an elderly refugee came up to me to express his shame and horror that the son of Herr Doctor would be asked to perform so menial a task.
Of course, the "yekkes" -- German Jews -- who arrived in Palestine in the 1930s had to undergo similar adjustments but perhaps with less sympathy from the old-time inhabitants.
Three months after that experience, and to my immense astonishment, Hitler invaded Poland, and World War II was under way.
My father tried hard but unsuccessfully to overcome his heavy Teutonic accent, but, in truth, the forced emigration had broken his heart and spirit. After his Bryn Mawr lectureship expired, he was too old, too ill and too weary to start from the beginning and try to study for an American medical license.
I was then a pimply teenager, completely self-centered, trying to cope with a new culture and language. I was of little help and solace to my father and happily enlisted in the U.S. Army as my first chance to get away.
My father died in 1948 at the age of 71. I recently received a very polite letter from the German Association of Pediatricians, mentioning my father's name and expressing remorse for the treatment of Jewish physicians by their Aryan colleagues during the Nazi era.
It was a little too late.
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