Jewish Journal

What I Learned From Shavuot All-Night Study

by Beit T'shuvah

May 16, 2013 | 10:56 am

By Inga Roizman

I loved it. Two nights ago I was honored to see my coworkers, our residents, and other members of the community speak about what they need to learn most. I was struck by the vulnerability that each of them granted us with their lesson.

Some discussions were impassioned and animated, some were simply a gentle acknowledgement of shared understanding.  All of it was amazing to learn together. I want to thank everyone that took their time to share with us.

Today, I’m still exhausted but inspired to learn MORE. I have the tendency to go way off into the philosophical and ethereal and I have to remember what is right in front of me.  I have to be present and take care of the next right thing.  This is the fundamental state I need to remain in, the present.

I think that’s the deal. It’s a practice.

There are some things I just don’t want to be mindful about yet. I still smoke although it’s not in alignment with the truth that it can kill me.  That’s a space where I am not mindful and it’s filled with unconscious and conscious shame.

I suppose I’m in the contemplation stage.

The recovery culture simply propagates social cigarette smoking but, it is my responsibility to change what I do, I have a choice!  Ugh, It’s so much easier to dismiss this whole notion of quitting and go on stinking like an ashtray.

Being present means looking at the truth.

I’ve made some changes that are more in alignment. I do not drink or take drugs. I don’t eat sugar. I’m working on extreme mindfulness with my finances.

Wow, I think I learned something.

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