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Jewish Journal

The Blame Game

by Beit T'shuvah

April 9, 2013 | 12:18 pm

By M. Alexander

I see it time and time again—the same unhealthy family dynamic. 

Parents blame their kids.  Kids point the finger right back at their parents.  Nobody takes responsibility for their own part in disagreements. 

The change that could break down this dynamic should come from the allegedly more mature party—the parents.  Instead of pointing the finger at their children, they should look at themselves and ask how they could have acted differently.  It probably isn't all their fault, but they almost certainly could have made a change or two.

This slight change in behavior will cause their kids to step back and look at what they could have done better—well maybe not, but it will definitely get them thinking.

Though the parent should be the impetus for change, oftentimes it has to come from the supposedly less mature party—the child.  They are often not as stubborn, not quite so set in their ways, more willing to make necessary changes in order to alter family discord.

The two aforementioned options are only suggestions.  There is a third choice—continue blaming the other person, keep pointing the finger.  Maybe it is better to be right than happy.

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