By Rabbi Mark Borovitz
Sitting here this morning, I realize how much of my life I have spent dissatisfied. This is not to say I am not a happy person, I am! Yet, I realize that many times I am discouraged by life, by people, and by my own actions. I always look to Torah for wisdom about myself.
This is the reason that T’Shuvah/Redemption has so much power for me. In these times, I look at myself, as well as at others, to find the inner pain and blockage that is causing this dissatisfaction. I find that it comes down to two main categories for me:
1) My own foibles and "wrong" actions. I am defining "wrong" here as when I go against the voice of God inside of me. This happens when I do something that my soul tells me is not right for me, this moment, or this other person. As I get older in my Redemption, I realize the subtle nuances of how I override what I know in my soul. My realization grows a little (some days very, very little) each day and I am still susceptible to the lies I tell myself as well as my need to please others.
2) My disappointment in other people in whom I have placed my trust. This is the hardest for me. I know that no one is perfect and I know that I disappoint others. This is not the disappointment I am speaking of. The disappointment is when someone uses the vulnerabilities of another against them. In other words, when one perpetrates evil upon another person and/or group that is doing good work.
Redemption allows me to regain my soul's voice and be open to the T’Shuvah of others. I pray that I am doing enough to hear my soul and yours. I ask you to hear your soul and the souls of others a little more/better and let's all live from our place of Soul/Spirit instead of false ego and pride!