By Michael Welch
This week, I began writing my blog earlier than usual. If I don’t say so myself, it was a wonderfully executed critique, demonizing Michael Bloomberg’s misguided radical soda reform. As I finished typing the last word of my searing expose, my news ticker mooted my entire blog; a judge agrees with me, nixing Mike’s grandiose, obesity “eradicating” law. The regulation’s intention was to put 16-ounce limits on sugary drinks. The judge called the proposed legislation “arbitrary and capricious.” Judges tend to use this circuitous lingo instead of getting to the point and calling them moronic.
Yesterday we issued a metaphorically premature goodbye to a “super” mogul who, since his inception as Mayor of New York City, has hogged the national municipal spotlight for his fascist reforms. Today, we are vindicated. Your restaurants, movie theatres, sport venues, and street carts are safe and will continue to allow you to indulge in gluttony—the road to obesity is yours and mine for the taking.
I’m curious as to why Bloomberg’s focus seems to be a restrictive model of governing. Have you ever tried to take a candy bar from one who’s in desperate need of it? Do any of you remember what took place when your booze was taken away? I thought we had moved past taking things from people to teach them a lesson. Mr. Bloomberg; my mother doesn’t even agree with your grassroots behavioral modification method. As canonized by our Sunday countdown commentators, “Come on man!”
It’s not that I don’t agree that we could all use a quick tune-up, but clearly this decision is lacking in creativity. Sometimes our politicians tend to get lazy, grasping for meaningful change during the twilight of their terms. This appears to be a classic case of short-timers disease.
Let’s give a big round of applause to our judicial branch, checking what had become unbalanced! It feels good to be right. Most people would gloat or blog about a victory such as this. Me? Well, I’m just gonna chalk this up as another win and instead of physical exercise, I’ll exercise some humility.