October 8, 2013 | 1:11 pm
Posted by Beit T'shuvah
By Lance Wright/Anonymous
This week’s blog is about being open to reconnecting with the Creator, our loved ones, and finding healing through being open to change. A member of the BTS community shared with me a powerful story of healing and the blessing it has been in her life. May you find inspiration from her experience as much as I have.
“During the High Holidays I invited God back into my heart with an overwhelming acceptance to be his child again and listen. Since then he has guided me on new journey of hope. I now believe I am worthy of his love. Every day I am learning how to care and nurture my broken self and heart.
My daughter, who is the most important person in my life, visited me yesterday. What happened during our visit was a gift given and received from God.
I have been living in shame for many years, never feeling deserving of my daughter’s love due to my addictions. She has also struggled with understanding the loss of her mother through isolation. I have been at BTS for several months, but was still unable to share my life with my daughter. The day she came to visit me I had presented my Life Collage with the women in my group earlier in the day. Still wanting to hide my true story from my daughter, I had every intention of hurrying back to my room to hide my collage under my bed before she arrived. During my frantic hurry I left the collage on top of my bed thinking I would have time to hide it. God had other intentions for our visit.
I had prayed to Him in the morning for my daughter and I to have a healing time together. I believe his interpretation of my prayer was to open the door completely.
When my daughter arrived and we went up to my room where I noticed the collage in clear sight. She inquired very gently asking, “what is this?” I looked her in the eyes (mine filled with tears) and said, “This is your mom’s real life and truth.” I felt in that moment that God was holding me as I shared with my daughter the secrets that had tortured me for so many years. She listened with no judgment and after asking a few questions said, “Mom, now it makes sense why you are here saving your life.” I felt in that moment a weight so heavy lifted from my heart. I was free of the shame and guilt I thought I could never share with my daughter for fear that she would not love me. She simply said when leaving that day, “Mom, I love you and your courage to admit this to me, but please mom never feel like you can’t be honest again.”
That day will forever be a lesson on my continued journey of recovery. With Faith, prayer, honesty, and hope nothing is impossible with God as my Director.”
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