By Rachel Goldman Neubauer
I used to be a really jealous person. I don’t know if that was my nature or if I was conditioned to be that way—growing up as a performer, it sort of seems that competition and jealousy would be things that go hand-in-hand. Either way, I found it hard to be happy for other people’s successes, especially when they were people that I worked with. I haven’t been aware of this part of me in quite a while—or more so, that it had greatly disappeared—until last night. All I knew beforehand was this is a part of me I didn’t like.
I’d like to dedicate this blog posting to Shy Blakeny, who I had the honor of giving his 10th cake to (along with many others) two nights ago at Beit T’Shuvah and whom I work very closely with. He is the one who made me realize this past Shabbat that part of me that I didn’t like has grown and changed into part of me I like. Here was my coworker, my office-mate, my clergy partner, speaking so eloquently of trials and successes…even some things he has that I know that I want. All of me was happy for him. ALL of me. He is someone I am in awe of and there was nothing that I could do but have my heart swell (and kvell a bit) as he spoke. This isn’t a new phenomenon, but perhaps just the first time I ever really noticed it wasn’t the same way I reacted to others’ successes as I did maybe 7 years ago.
I know this past Shabbat was Shabbat Shira and as the cantor, I should probably be talking about music. Yes, there was song and yes, I sang. But Shy was the most ‘musical’ part of Erev Shabbat services to me. Through Shy, I was able to hear the melody of my soul again, and hear at that point that some notes had changed and it was now something I much more enjoyed listening to. It’s nice to know that our own melodies can be re-written, re-orchestrated, tweaked, and enhanced.
We welcome your feedback.
Your information will not be shared or sold without your consent. Get all the details.
Terms of Service
JewishJournal.com has rules for its commenting community.Get all the details.
JewishJournal.com reserves the right to use your comment in our weekly print publication.