April 15, 2013 | 2:08 pm

How to Define Spirituality Part 2

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

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By Adam Siegel

Last week, my colleague and friend Yeshaia Blakeney wrote about the challenge he frequently faces in trying to explain the nature of the spiritual counseling at Beit T’Shuvah (see How to Define Spirituality).  In fact, it’s apparently so challenging, that he didn’t end up offering much of a definition.  Similarly, I often times struggle with succinctly describing the spiritual work we do at Beit T’Shuvah (truth be told, I struggle with succinctly describing a lot of things).  After an initial reading of his post, I was still longing for a more concrete answer.  However, upon further reflection, I realized what he did offer was actually a more accurate way of relating to the topic of spirituality.

In brief, rather than trying to define what spirituality IS, he instead describes what spirituality is ABOUT.   Forgoing a boxed-in definition, he instead speaks about the relationship humans can choose to have both with the sacred and the mundane.  For me, it’s usually easier to speak about spirituality in terms of what was or what can be, rather than what is.  This seems to happen because the act of becoming aware of where I’m at spiritually, in and of itself disconnects me from the present.  Even then, finding the language to describe the spiritual realm is often elusive.

Over the past year, I’ve been working on a long overdue project (i.e. next blog topic: procrastination) focusing on spiritual development.  From the beginning, my stubborn insistence of an accurate definition of spirituality has tripped me up.  We, as humans, seem to be both internally and externally driven to name, identify, and/or otherwise control things.   However, I’m slowly finding the wisdom in resisting definition of the Indefinable. 

I’ve come to see that finding a definition is much like taking a still photograph.  A good photo might get you close to capturing the “essence” of the subject/situation, but there are inherent limitations to the full meaning it can provide (especially because a moment after the picture is taken, the world has already changed).  So, instead of trying to corner it head on, I’m finding that taking a indirect, descriptive approach to be more effective.  What seems most helpful has been to connect to spirituality through reflections about the past, as well as moments of hope and aspiration for the future.

How do you describe your spirituality?

April 12, 2013 | 10:49 am

Being Okay With Being

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Rabbi Mark Borovitz

As I sit on the beach at Siesta Key in Sarasota, Florida, I am struck by the beauty of Creation. My mind wanders, as it usually does, and I am caught up in the Awe, Wonder and beauty of life and living. Rabbi Heschel's admonishment to not take anything for granted rings in my ears and reverberates in my soul and being! While the sea and the beach don't need redemption as they are just as they are supposed to be, I am thinking of what do I need to do to live as "I am supposed to?”

I am thinking of the ways that I still need to change in order to redeem me so I live as the ocean and nature. This week I am reminded that I too often do things and just stay busy. I can rationalize my actions as important and I know that I stay busy as a way of distraction. I need to take time just to be at oneness with God, family, community and me! This is the truest form of redemption for me. I make my amends and change many of my behaviors, yet, being okay with just being seems to elude me.

I realize, as I write this, that I look for problems, I get mad at others, and I feel under appreciated in order to not just be. What a waste and I am sad at this realization. Yet, life calls and I am busy, my mind tells me. I am of service and fulfill my own unique purpose and use my gifts when I am " in action!” Yet, sitting with my wife on the beach, having a meal, having time with my 101 year old mother in law, talking to my mother, etc., is not enough so I distract myself with technology, etc. I am not welcoming the world, I am trying to control my world. I am not really letting each of these people and more know how much they matter.

The solution? I, and maybe you, have to be present wherever we are. I commit to let people know when I need to attend to something else, rather than just ignore them. I commit to take time just to be, so I can do and be much more and better. I will not play games when talking to others, I will pay attention to myself and when I begin to drift, I will look for and welcome God back into the space I am in. In this way, I will constantly be working on redeeming myself more, one interaction at a time!

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April 11, 2013 | 2:51 pm

The Real Apprentice

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Michael Welch

I was watching a movie on Netflix (no Nyquil), and noticed that the premise of the movie had seemed foreign to me. 85-year-old Jiro Ono, considered to be the greatest sushi chef in the world, paints and establishes perfection with his creation of sushi. What stood out to me were not his abilities, his creations, or his love for what he does, it’s what he’s passing on; the concept of the apprentice.

Jiro’s eldest son is 50 and still not ready to take over the family business. To some this may appear as overkill but I believe it’s quite poetic. His son has been engrained with the notion of being a worthy heir, thus he strives to be better than his father who has practiced a craft for over 70 years. The characteristics of effectiveness, passion, and sustainability are unparalleled by anything I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t help but wonder when we went from perfecting a craft to being handed down something for nothing. Watering down a skill-set is bad for business, primarily for small business. It is clear that the Japanese are clutching onto tradition and originality and I find their values put a smile on my face. I appreciate the notion of loving what you do and handing it off to the right people. It’s a display of love, dedication/commitment, and honor.

This is unfamiliar to Yankees because we’ve accused their culture of being too rigid or being molded by the relentless pursuit of perfection. We say things like; regret, being dissatisfied, or unfulfilled. Bull S—t, we are lazy, simple, and are afraid to fail. Other cultures seem complicated because we make them that way, not because they actually are.

So instead of this blog turning into a movie review, I’d like to shift into perspective or even shift perspective. We should identify our mentor and mentors should identify their apprentices. Rededicating ourselves to this process could quite possibly be a starting point for quality, growth, and appreciation. If we turn our backs on that, then America was never a good idea in the first place.

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April 9, 2013 | 12:18 pm

The Blame Game

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By M. Alexander

I see it time and time again—the same unhealthy family dynamic. 

Parents blame their kids.  Kids point the finger right back at their parents.  Nobody takes responsibility for their own part in disagreements. 

The change that could break down this dynamic should come from the allegedly more mature party—the parents.  Instead of pointing the finger at their children, they should look at themselves and ask how they could have acted differently.  It probably isn't all their fault, but they almost certainly could have made a change or two.

This slight change in behavior will cause their kids to step back and look at what they could have done better—well maybe not, but it will definitely get them thinking.

Though the parent should be the impetus for change, oftentimes it has to come from the supposedly less mature party—the child.  They are often not as stubborn, not quite so set in their ways, more willing to make necessary changes in order to alter family discord.

The two aforementioned options are only suggestions.  There is a third choice—continue blaming the other person, keep pointing the finger.  Maybe it is better to be right than happy.

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April 8, 2013 | 1:49 pm

How to Define Spirituality

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Yeshaia Blakeney

In conversation, people casually ask me what I do for a living.  Usually they’re just curious to see if it’s something they’re interested in, or trying to gain insight into me as a person.  I usually respond with my title, and say, “I am a Spiritual Counselor.”  Invariably I get a, “that’s cool, what is that?”  Unfortunately, or fortunately, spiritual counseling fits into about as many neat categories as the human spirit itself.  I find myself at a loss every time I end up saying words that probably make things less clear like, “I tend to look at the big picture” and “I work with peoples emotional, spiritual orientation” or my personnel favorite (and the most honest) “I haven’t figured out what that means yet either.”  We are all at a loss for words when it comes to the most sacred in life.  Because we cannot contain it in words, we deny its existence. We won’t let the sacred breath in and so we suffocate it with sarcasm and empty logic.  We strip life down to its essence and then claim that life has none.

Most of us don’t do this consciously, we live it, skeptic, thrusting what is minute in the eyes of one’s spirit to the highest of thrones, and picking that which is most high down off its stem, not for re-planting but for scrutiny and examination.  It makes no sense to count numbers in the face of infinity claiming that you’ll get there. 

Spirituality is about sanctification, lifting that which seems at times absurd, to the high heavens and bringing that which is most high still intact down to earth for glorification and worship.  Spirituality is about prayer and routine, but not “routine prayer” as my Rabbi says.  It is about letting go, and bathing in that which we cannot know, and that which we must celebrate.

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April 5, 2013 | 11:12 am

You Can’t Say NO To Sacred Work

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Rabbi Mark Borovitz

I was speaking with one of the other Rabbi's at Beit T'Shuvah yesterday about a resident that he is seeing as a Spiritual Counselor and I suggested that he learn a Mishnah from Pirke Avot as a text with this person. I suggested Chapter 2 Mishnah 16. It goes like this: Rabbi Tarfon used to say, a person is not obligated to finish the work and neither is she/he free to invalidate the work. We started to talk about this and my colleague said that the word used for work here is Malacha, meaning the work involved in creating the Mishkan.

We started to talk about this and what stayed with me and stays with me is that I don't have to be perfect, I can't say NO to the Sacred work I am created to do and I can't invalidate my Holy work nor anyone else's. I also can't expect everyone else to finish their work, I have to help them as I ask for and allow them to help me. What a concept!!

I am continually surprised, amazed and awed at the brilliance of our Tradition to address the issues that confront all humans and have paths to wholeness, peace and serenity. I have to begin to create Holy, Sacred Space inside of me (soul work) and outside of me (helping others and build a place where God can dwell among all of us). What a job, yet, I don't have to do it all. Whew!!

As I look deeper into this teaching, I realize where I fall short. I often invalidate my own Sacred Work by:

1. comparing the acclaim of others to my own
2. not thinking what I am doing matters
3. not believing I matter
4. not following through on things
5. distracting myself through doing less important things and/or being lazy.

I invalidate the Sacred Work of others by:

1. not helping them
2. not taking enough time to listen to others, their ideas, their souls
3. impatience
4. thinking that their thoughts/work is stupid or beneath them and me
5. distracting myself and making the other feel unimportant
6. not acting as if another matters
7. comparing the to me and/or others

I was struck silent and deeply moved by this revelation. I have also committed to improving in this area. I know how and commit to heal my wounds that keep me from believing in myself and my work. I also commit to ask for more help from others rather than try and "go it alone.” I also commit to be more present and helpful with others and validate them more.

In looking at my assets in this area, I also see when I have followed this teaching. Beit T'Shuvah is where it is because of all of the people who have made it a priority in their lives to grow and heal others; to mention all would take up too much room and Harriet Rossetto and the many staff members, past present and future who continually do their work as well as people like Elaine Breslow z"l, Annette Shapiro, Warren Breslow, Nancy Mishkin, Bill Resnick, all of our past honorees, our Board, our volunteers, our residents—past, present and future, etc. These people have helped me and I them. I have asked for and received great guidance from so many Rabbis, teachers and friends and family. I am so grateful for their help in not only propelling me along in my Holy Work but also in propelling me to live well and have a life worth saving!

My question to all of you is:

1. How are you validating your Sacred Work?
2. How are you validating and helping the Sacred Work of others?
3. How are you invalidating your Sacred Work and the Sacred Work of others?
4. What is your plan for being "one grain of sand" better each day in this area?

Shabbat Shalom

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April 4, 2013 | 2:17 pm

Saving Money and Saving Lives

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Michael Welch

There is a new song out there dedicated to thrift shops, it’s catchy, has a nice rhythm and is an ode to the bargain shopper. I have recently taken interest in this small enclave of businesses where one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. If you’ve ever spoken to someone who often frequents a thrift store, the hunt is infectious. I recently had the pleasure of spending some time in a few of Los Angeles’ thrift shops with one of these high-energy individuals. I was floored on what valuables people are so quick to part with. The items that I found absolutely no interest in and would too have thrown in the garbage are—believe it or not—highly valuable.

The Beit T’Shuvah Thrift Stores are the most important to me—they feed into a mission that I care deeply about. The concept of business is subtle, the idea is a mission and the mission is saving souls. The profits go to the cost of care at Beit T’Shuvah, so that those who cannot afford a bed can have a chance to live sober lives. There is not a better cause out there and there’s not another Thrift Store with a more defined mission. The staff is clear of why they are working and who they are working for, heck, most of the staff were once residents.  You are greeted when you walk through the front door with unbelievable customer service.  Everyone who walks in is of the utmost importance—everyone matters.  As I think about it, it really is quite the operation, they will come pick up your donations, pack them, figure out an incredibly reasonable price, and then distribute them to the thrift shop. It is an arduous process.

There is absolutely no question that I will be more thrifty in thinking and in action. When I have belongings that need to go…they need to go to the thrift store. And I urge you to do the same. Donate. Just pick up the phone and call 310 204 4669, they will do the rest.

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April 3, 2013 | 9:26 pm

Obama’s Big Brain Map

Posted by Beit T'shuvah

By Ben Spielberg

On Sunday, there was an article in the Los Angeles Times about a potential 10-year project proposed by the Obama Administration. In ten years, we could see fully detailed and clearly landscaped images and movies of a human brain in action. In ten years, we could view neuronal connections, digitally adjust them, and analyze the results. In ten years, though, will we know any more about addiction?

There is no doubt that a part of addiction lies in the heart of the cerebral cortex. Folded in the ridges and gyri of a couple pounds of cellular matter may be the understanding to the reason why people get addicted to substances and behaviors. But does the origin matter?

When I think about the “cause” of my addiction, it takes the responsibility away from myself. Was my collection of pill bottles a result of my mother’s coddling? My bottles of alcohol a helpless response to inferior biology? Getting sucked into the cause ignores the solution. Some people are predisposed to addiction, and some are not. Regardless, everyone should work on the same healthy coping mechanisms--predisposition or not. If you shoot enough heroin, you will inevitably become an addict.

I’m all for the billion dollar brain map, but I don’t think it will paint the picture of addiction much clearer--it will only give us more details. It will answer many of our questions, but mostly it will lead to exponentially more questions. I just hope that by the time the map is done, my brain is strong enough to understand it all.

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