Mark Miller

You’re Scentsational!

Published on March 16, 2006

When a guy -- let's say me, for the sake of argument -- is lacking a romantic partner, every bit of attention I get from any woman, even a complete stranger, takes on heightened significance and pleasure. Because I don't have a wife, girlfriend or lover, a simple smile from any woman passing me on the street is very likely to be the only, and certainly the most intimate, female contact I can expect all day.

Relationships 101

Published on March 2, 2006

Geography of Romance: A course dealing with the best places to meet your romantic partner. Certain locales lend themselves to greater relationship success -- churches and temples, the homes of friends and relatives, bookstores, supermarkets, restaurants, parks and beaches. Other places tend to be riskier -- prison, tattoo parlors, methamphetamine labs, mosh pits, wife-swapping parties, Chuck E. Cheese restaurants, gatherings of arms dealers.

Unhappy New Year!

Published on January 5, 2006

OK, I'll be absolutely honest -- I spent this past New Year's Eve alone. Sure, I could have salvaged the situation with a round of frantic last-minute calling, but I never got around to it because I had to go and get into a fight. Fortunately, I was the only one who got hurt. You see, I picked a fight with myself. And on New Year's Eve day, no less. Almost out of nowhere and with virtually no warning, I started in on myself.

Thanks, but No Thanks

Published on June 16, 2005

As far as I know, there are no such things as federal laws pertaining to dating. Oh, sure, there was that book "The Rules," a few years back, but those weren't federal laws; those were simply man-made, or rather, woman-made rules or suggestions. As to why there are no federal laws governing dating -- that's a no-brainer.

Where Is the Woo?

Published on March 10, 2005

I wish I lived 200 years ago so I could woo a woman the way single men did back then.

Why the Web Wins

Published on February 17, 2005

I know you're not gonna believe this, but before Internet dating sites, couples actually used to meet "offline" -- out in public -- often by chance: at parties, dances, supermarkets, museums, bookstores. No, really! But like the Tyrannosaurus rex, the Edsel automobile and Steven Segal's career, offline dating is seemingly on its way to extinction. Oh, sure, a few couples occasionally meet offline, as God intended, in the course of their daily lives, much like our pioneer ancestors, but they're just lucky and we resent them. Just because they didn't have to pay $25 a month, post a photo, write a profile and proceed to meet hundreds of people with whom they felt less chemistry than Dick Cheney and Barbra Streisand on a tunnel of love ride, must they rub their joy in our faces?

More and more singles are meeting via Internet dating sites. There's gotta be a reason for that.

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Published on December 2, 2004

OK, so if you're rejected, perhaps your self-esteem takes a little hit. If you're rejected a lot, perhaps it gets bruised. And if you experience nothing but rejection, maybe your self-esteem ends up in the trauma ward of Love General Hospital. But enough about my pain.

And They Lived Happily Ever Apart

Published on November 4, 2004

Being together day after day for 14 years sadly lost its luster.

The 99-Cent Solution

Published on October 7, 2004

Dating a woman in Los Angeles can be an expensive proposition. But must it be one?

The 99-Cent Solution

Published on October 7, 2004

Dating a woman in Los Angeles can be an expensive proposition. But must it be one?

The 99-Cent Solution

Published on October 7, 2004

Dating a woman in Los Angeles can be an expensive proposition. But must it be one?

Test-a-Jew

Published on July 29, 2004

Back in high school, I had a crush on a Protestant girl, Joan Reid. She told me that her mother encouraged her to date -- and even marry -- Jewish guys because: a) They're smarter and work harder; b) They make great fathers; c) They don't get drunk and beat you.

The Perfect Woman

Published on July 15, 2004

One of the greatest mysteries in my life, besides how to program my Tivo, is why it's taking me so long to meet my soulmate.

What Men Want (To Say)

Published on June 17, 2004

How much more interesting the first date would be if we both were to communicate our true emotions. Still, those actual thoughts and feelings are definitely present, whether uttered or not. They're simply bubbling under the conversation's surface; biding their time until we feel more comfortable and trusting with one another.

Don’t Hate Me ‘Cuz I’m Happy

Published on November 20, 2003

If you're anything like me -- and for the love of God, I hope you're not --you've found dating in Los Angeles to be nonstop inferno of disappointment, frustration, anguish, horror, tedium and depression.

And those are the dates that work out fairly well. It's not hard to understand why some battle-scarred veterans of the singles scene have completely sworn off dating, substituting other, nondating activities in life, whatever those could possibly be. I understand jogging may be one of them.

A Love Like Mime

Published on October 9, 2003

In my San Francisco days, I once had a brief romantic affair with a mime. I was living in a house with lots of bedrooms, which were rented out to many different people. One of them was her, Angie, a young woman who each day would leave the house, go down to the park and do her mime thing, collecting dollars in a hat. I would tease her and we would flirt.

Red Flag From Cupid

Published on July 3, 2003

Not very romantic? I was stunned. Did I miss something here? Is it our anniversary? It's our first meeting, for crying out loud!

Exit Strategy

Published on May 29, 2003

I got to wondering why Amanda chose to dump me in such a cold fashion when what preceded it was 10 months of passion. And the only thing I could come up with was that Amanda chose to take the easy way out -- for her. She didn't want a confrontation, an argument or the pain of raw, exposed emotion; she simply left -- and left me holding the big, unopened Pandora's box of sudden loss.

Somebody Stop Me

Published on February 6, 2003

I've been spending so much time and energy dating that it sometimes feels like an addiction.