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Jewish Journal

J. D. Smith

  • Native Son

    June 6, 2002 | 8:00 pm

    A few months ago, I wrote a story in these pages about my experiences as a Jewish Big Brother. As Paul Harvey says, here's "The Rest of the Story."

    My Little Brother, Josh, invited me to his graduation from Northwestern Law School last month. "No, thanks," I said. "I can do better....

  • Uncle Mom

    November 8, 2001 | 7:00 pm

    Have you ever wanted to be a Soccer Mom? If you're not one, it looks like a pretty good gig from the outside: Leisurely lunches with the girls and shopping trips to the mall. Do a couple of errands, get the kids off to their after-school amusements, then pick up some take-out for...

  • The Ear of the Beholder

    October 25, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    When I worked for Warner Bros. Records, I spent a good deal of my time trying to calibrate, coordinate and prognosticate the exact moment the headlining artist would take the stage. This involved calls to the manager, the road manager, the box office, the artist and spiritual...

  • Do It for Your Country

    October 11, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    It's over. Being single is officially over. When The New York Times Sunday Style section, the definitive arbiter of all that is cool and urbane, runs a cover story saying it's over (above the fold!), you know it's over. When the venerable Gray Lady concedes that the "glamour of...

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  • Unfunny Business

    September 20, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I sat down to write my regular column today. I had some pithy observations about a wedding I attended over the summer. It had all the makings of a witty little number. And then the World Trade Center blew up and the world is a vastly different place since when I wrote my last column....

  • Hello, My Name Is Porsche

    August 30, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    My sister Julie just moved to Atlanta for two years. Her husband got an offer he couldn't refuse, so they're off. It was the kind of offer that makes me think I could tough out a couple years in Afghanistan, if necessary -- but nobody asked me. My nephew Chris is starting school...

  • SJM Seeks Perfect Woman

    August 16, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    Joanne, my relationship advisor, insists that the source of my problem is that I don't know what I want. "If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there," she said. I brought Jo in after reading that Lizzie Grubman and Gary Condit have hired "crisis managers" to...

  • Love for Sale

    August 9, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I don't need much. I'm pretty much a "jug of wine, a loaf of bread and thou" kind of guy. No, I don't need much, but my hobbies are expensive. I like Italian clothes, German cars, Cuban cigars, box seats, new electronic toys. This is the lifestyle to which I've become accustomed,...

  • Jewish Girls Rule

    July 26, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I have a pint-sized Jewish ex-girlfriend named Lori who once asked if I thought that Jewish girls were better lovers. It was a funny question. Better than what? I had to think about it. It never occurred to me that there was some kind of tacit competition going on, pitting the home...

  • Losing My Rap

    July 12, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    For a while, I was having a fine time "playing the field." Then Samantha broke up with me, and Kathy went back to her ex-fiancé. Lauren got serious with someone else before we even got to know each other, and that was that. I've been abandoned. I am more than alone now. I have no...

  • Friendly Skies

    June 28, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I'd like to register a complaint against the airline industry. I know that I'm not alone, that there has been quite a bit of public outcry lately about flight delays and cancellations, but that's not my issue.

    My problem is that my friend Greg Stern met his beautiful wife on a...

  • Pop’s Act

    June 14, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    We're at dinner in New York with a few of my friends. My father has never met any of these guys before, so he's free to begin his repertoire at the beginning, tabula rasa. Pop had quite a storied career in the music business, and an evening out with him is like buying an interactive...

  • The Way to a Woman’s Heart

    May 31, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I began cooking some years ago, drawn to the kitchen's rocky shores by the twin muses of economy and romance, shall we say (because it sounds so much better than the twin demons of cheap and horny).

    This siren's song promised that the best way of getting a woman back to your place at...

  • Meditations on Yoga

    May 17, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    The doctor said that the best thing for my injury was yoga. It would increase blood flow, reduce stress, open my chakras (whatever they are) and make me more limber. I went to get a second opinion but that guy said the same thing.

    That week, I left work a little early, sped across...

  • Personal Shopper

    May 3, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    I had to buy a present for my sister recently. Shopping for women, if you don't happen to actually be a woman yourself, is a nightmare.

    I've noticed that when men go shopping for clothes, there is a sense of purposefulness about it. We're going to the store to buy something, some...

  • Bum Knees

    April 19, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    The reason I am limping is because of a small man named Shen Hsu. That's not entirely accurate. I went to see Hsu because I was limping. He performed a variety of ancient Chinese medical practices on me, including acupuncture and a form of massage that could easily be mistaken for...

  • Put a Man On It

    April 5, 2001 | 8:00 pm

    It is simply amazing that the Jewish people have managed to survive as long as we have, given our utter inability to do anything.

    Oh, sure, we're whizzes in the areas of law, medicine, arts, marketing and, lest we forget, religion, but if you actually need something done around the...

  • The Fountainhead

    March 8, 2001 | 7:00 pm

    My friend Roth is dating a girl named Erica. By religion, she is Swedenborgian. He'd never even heard of this (neither had I), until she came along and spelled it all out for him.

    Emanuel Swedenborg was an 18th-century multidisciplined scholar in Sweden -- their version perhaps of...

  • Model Behavior

    February 22, 2001 | 7:00 pm

    My cousin Barry, who is 27 and looks like a scale model of Michelangelo's "David," is dating a 21-year-old Skechers model. Skechers is a line of shoes and clothing that I have never worn and generally think look ridiculous. You can't swing a cat on Melrose Avenue without hitting...

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