Marlene Adler Marks

First Person - God Laughs?

Published on June 29, 2006

My girlfriend "E" was the first to declare what others had been observing for a while. "God sure is having a good laugh," she said. "You write a column called 'A Woman's Voice.' And yet you have no voice". The irony had crossed my mind.

Oh So Sorry

Published on August 29, 2002

I'm sorry I haven't eaten more hot dogs.

Saturday is Selichot, the time when the whole Jewish world sings with Connie Francis, "I'm sorry," and vows to do better next time. Many of us are focused on the wrongs we've done to others, or even to God.

The Way We Were

Published on August 22, 2002

I've been reconsidering what the 1973 schmaltz-filled classic, "The Way We Were," means to younger women.

Friends

Published on August 15, 2002

One glorious sunny day, my girlfriend "C" and I share a seaside restaurant table with a married couple, call them Harry and Sylvia.

Merit and Mazel

Published on August 1, 2002

I'll be 54 this weekend. Not for me the modesty of hidden age. I'll take my years, gladly, as I'm given them.

God Laughs?

Published on July 25, 2002

I haven't had a speaking voice in more than a month. I whisper, a frog croaking through the bulrushes.

Living Through Chemistry

Published on July 18, 2002

The ancient rabbis practiced a relatively simple form of medicine: cabbage for sustenance, beets for healing.

Fears After El Al

Published on July 11, 2002

We must know each other, as accurately as possible. If you can't invite your local imam into your living room, then go down to your local mosque, yourself, and bring a group from your synagogue with you.

Minority Report

Published on July 4, 2002

Steven Spielberg's new film, "Minority Report," is not exactly a deep take on the problems of "knowing," but since you'll probably see it anyway, here's where it brought me.
The film, based on a science fiction story by Philip K. Dick, argues that the future can indeed be known. Moreover, our security depends upon finding a Pinchas, a zealot who knows what crimes are being committed, and personally stops them. So anxious are we to hire this Pinchas, this future-knower, that we would sacrifice our freedoms for him.
It is 2054 in a dark, police-state Washington, D.C, all murder has been foretold by three mermaid-type creatures called precogs, so named because they have pre-cognition. The crimes are prerecorded in the future, then replayed in real time, at which point they are interrupted and prevented by a precrime squad headed by John Anderton (Tom Cruise), the very Pinchas we are seeking. Pretty neat.

Talk to Me

Published on June 27, 2002

I owe my life's work to Ann Landers. And, of course, her sister, Dear Abby. Dr. Rose Franzblau. And Dr. Joyce Brothers.

Seeking Solid Ground

Published on June 20, 2002

One day, my oncologist was in a talkative mood. He was raised Roman Catholic, but after 30 years in the lung cancer world, he knows that religion doesn't always help his patients.

"How are you doing?" he asked. "I mean, this has to be a big test of faith."

Now, 18 months after receiving a devastating diagnosis, my understanding of religion has been transformed.

The Salesman

Published on June 13, 2002

A few months ago, I asked my father, now happily retired, what profession he would choose if he were starting over again.

"Oh, I'd do the same thing," Dad said. "I'd be a salesman."

"A salesman?"

"Yes. I'm good at it."

It's Father's Day, and I am so glad that Dad is around to read this: Dad, I had you wrong.

Insider, Outsider

Published on June 6, 2002

I check in periodically with David Tokofsky, who has represented the Eastside on the Los Angeles Unified School District (LAUSD) since 1995, just to find out how long it takes to stop being considered an outsider.

For a Jewish boy on the Eastside, the answer is: more than two terms. Even now, despite winning two elections, the Mexican American Legal Defense and Education Fund (MALDEF) has made him the target of redistricting, to insure that the next time out, someone with a Latino surname gets the job.

Banners Unfurled

Published on May 30, 2002

Generals, it is said, are always preparing to fight the last war, and so it also may be for American Jews.

Middle East terror and Palestinian suicide bombings have roused us to action. The torpor is receding. Except, we can't quite agree on which last war we expect to be fighting: World War II or Vietnam.

Talking to Gabby

Published on May 23, 2002

Gabriela Jacobo, known as Gabby, at age 17 is a rising radio star.

Thinking Ahead

Published on May 16, 2002

Even hypothetically, it's not so simple. How do I feel about life-sustaining technology? At what point, if ever, would food and water be a form of futile prolonging of life?

Jewish Mother Jokes

Published on May 9, 2002

Mother's Day is not exactly a Jewish holiday, but it does provide an occasion to consider whether anything new can be noted in that old war-horse, the Jewish mother joke. Surprisingly, I do note several new wrinkles that help explain why even now this Borscht-belt holdover is not going away fast.

In the Soup

Published on May 2, 2002

My parents visited a year ago while I recuperated from lung cancer surgery and they developed a division of labor.My father would do odd jobs around the house. My mother would feed me.
This was a good plan in theory, but in reality, it had loopholes. My father's tasks were well-defined: fix a fence, change a light bulb. But my mother struggled. What is it exactly her middle-aged daughter with upper-middle-class tastes liked to eat? The fact is that both of us had long since stopped cooking most of our meals, taking our nourishment from restaurants and take-out. Nevertheless, there persisted in her the belief that when a child is sick, only homemade foods will do. Familiar, nourishing, Jewish foods.

Travel Machismo

Published on April 25, 2002

As Israeli-Palestinian violence makes daily life in the Jewish state a living (as opposed to a virtual) nightmare, American Jews are raising the ante on expressions of loyalty. A rabbi recently told me he wants every Jew to travel to Israel this year. A lay leader puts his name on the list for every mission, but breathes a sigh of relief when each is quickly cancelled.

Young Man on Campus

Published on April 18, 2002

Last week I worried in this space that our college students were ill-equipped to defend American Jewry's pro-Israel position. I asked for a volunteer to explain what's going on. Luckily, Donald Cohen-Cutler, a UC Davis freshman and an international relations major, stepped up to the plate.

I say "luckily" because events on campus are even worse than I had suspected. Of course, I remember the beginnings of the Jewish-Muslim rift on campus during the first intifada. But I don't remember blatant insults to Jewish ritual and history. That's what's happening now (see story, page 10).

The Women of Worcester

Published on April 11, 2002

The third annual daylong symposium sponsored by the Jewish Federation in Worcester, Mass., was titled, "A Woman's Voice," without the slightest hint of irony. Less than a generation ago, "a woman's voice" meant only one thing, the talmudic prohibition of Orthodox men toward hearing the sound of Jewish women in prayer.

Kol isha (a woman's voice) was used as the legal barrier against women becoming rabbis and cantors, the excuse for exclusion.

That's why I named this newspaper column A Woman's Voice, to break down a wall.

Stand With Us

Published on April 4, 2002

"Tell the truth, don't you think we need to create a wall between Israel and the Palestinians?"

"Be honest, don't you think the United States should send in peacekeeping troops?"

I'll tell the truth. I'm uncomfortable with American Jews, rising from spiritual slumber to suggest Israeli policy. Especially while their college-age children are in earshot. Especially when there is so much they could do besides yak.

Men in Black

Published on March 28, 2002

There in my darkened doorway were two men in black mid-length coats with long, curly beards and black hats; a younger and an older man, with eyes burning so clear and bright that they seemed to be reading from an inner script. There was about their smiling countenances such a sense of purpose, that the word "messenger" sprang to mind. They knew and I knew. They had come for me.

New Plagues

Published on March 21, 2002

Are the Ten Plagues merely a just reward perpetrated against the "axis of evil" by a God who is "on our side"?

Frequently Asked Questions

Published on March 14, 2002

I was the oldest child at the Passover table during two decades of social turmoil, and so invariably I was the one to whom questions were directed.

Riordan’s Primary

Published on March 7, 2002

Say what you will about Richard Riordan's abortive primary strategy, and the way he naively stepped into Gov. Gray Davis' trap, but Riordan certainly understood one of his key customers: the Jewish electorate. Too bad we'll never see the Davis/Riordan face-off that would have told us so much about ourselves.

Sacred Text

Published on February 28, 2002

Samantha's bat mitzvah was seven years ago this weekend. Ki Tisa was her Torah portion. Since then, we've reminisced about the party and the service, but never the point of it all -- the sacred text.

Echoes of Esther

Published on February 14, 2002

The Purim beauty pageant of 1956 is long forgotten in the shtetl that was Queens Village, N.Y. But for me it is the stuff of personal destiny.

A Map Is a Mirror

Published on February 7, 2002

No one said redistricting is fun. But this once-a-decade political ritual does provide a mirror to how much leverage a community has, or lacks.

On My Mind

Published on January 31, 2002

The hardest part about writing about brain radiation is writing the words "brain radiation." I assure you that I'm OK. It's my fingers that are typing these words on my computer. It's my thoughts that are deciding which of the Yip Harburg lyrics from the Scarecrow's song, "If I Only Had a Brain," I should use later in this piece.

The Rabbi’s Wedding

Published on January 24, 2002

When Rabbi Judith HaLevy of the Malibu Jewish Center and Synagogue exchanged rings with Edward Toppel of Chicago last Sunday, hope, like the late afternoon winter sun, burned brightly. If remarriage, as the saying goes, is the triumph of optimism over experience, how much more so when the rabbi herself carries white calla lilies?

Judaism From the Bottom Up

Published on January 17, 2002

One of the most exciting experiments in Jewish transformation is taking place right here in Los Angeles.

Nothing’s Fishy

Published on January 10, 2002

"Welcome home, Marlene. It's about time you joined my family," my father said. He was greeting the news that well into the age of wisdom, I've finally begun eating sardines.

Red String

Published on January 3, 2002

I wear a piece of red string around my right wrist, a talisman for healing.

JCC Mission

Published on December 20, 2001

Forster's Rules for Meeting a Fundraising Challenge are important to review now, as the institution that once symbolized a thriving American Jewish community struggles for breath.

Relying on Miracles

Published on December 13, 2001

Before the last Chanukah candle is lit, I'd like to say a word about miracles.

Light One Candle

Published on December 6, 2001

By rights, this should be a one-candle Chanukah.

Entering the New World

Published on November 29, 2001

Brave New World, here we come.

Saying Thanks

Published on November 22, 2001

I say a prayer of thanksgiving first thing every morning.

Ready for Battle

Published on November 15, 2001

Bad news on the cancer front. My CT scans, which had been 99 percent tumor-free for almost six months, show a few tiny lesions. A few tiny lesions in non-small-cell lung cancer is not a good thing. My oncologist nearly cried.

What I would give not to have to write about this. I hate lung cancer. I hate the tumors. I hate the failed miracle of the clinical trial with its snazzy new anti-cancer drug that had been working so well. It was wonderful taking those two tiny pills day after day. I felt like a bride renewing her vows every morning, wedded to another day of health. I pledged my loyalty to one treatment alone.

Breaking Ground

Published on November 8, 2001

Two months after the World Trade Center and Pentagon attacks, small acts take on a magnified historic context, and large acts are dwarfed by human peril. Freedom and courage seem exceedingly dear, and both are measurable in personal sacrifices and acts of public largesse.

And so it was impossible to take a spade of dirt from a garden-variety synagogue groundbreaking last Sunday and not think in grand, if not grandiose, terms about the role of our American Jewish community in dangerous times. Perhaps it always takes guts to act for the future -- to believe in a future -- acknowledging that a threat is always rising beyond the next hill.

End the Silence

Published on November 1, 2001

Only three weeks ago it was possible to speak in optimistic terms about a united front against terrorism. History seemed to be blowing at our back, pushing the forces of civilization onward and upward to victory against the scourge of modern times. Writing in this space in early October, I quoted with admiration the prediction made by former Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Barak; that the nations of the world would now join together against terrorism much as the nations of the post-Napoleonic period had defeated piracy. For a brief heady moment, it looked like we American Jews could sit back in the warm protection of our nation acting out of grief and righteous revenge.

Take 12 Steps

Published on October 25, 2001

It would be hard to exaggerate the significance of The Jewish Federation's Addiction Conference held Monday at the Skirball Cultural Center. But to compare, think back to the Shechinah Conference held 20 years ago at Hebrew Union College, which helped consolidate and shape Jewish feminism. In its willingness to creatively address perhaps the biggest social issue of our time, the Skirball program is that big a deal.

Confused and Tangled Times

Published on October 18, 2001

My favorite words of Torah are the very first: "In the beginning." They beg us to ask, what was there before the Creation that made God want to do more? And the answer provided in the text is especially fitting for our own warring time: tohu va'vohu, which Rabbi Samson Hirsch, the sensitive linguist, translates as: "confused and tangled, and darkness was over the turmoil," just as we are now.

Despair vs. Joy

Published on October 11, 2001

That's what it means these days, to be a Jew in post-Sept. 11 America. We must live in two worlds at once, the personal and the communal: shepping nachas over the achievements of our children and our parents, and joining with our nation in collective grief.

“We” Judaism

Published on October 4, 2001

NOW THAT THE HIGH HOLY days are over, we can begin to appreciate how the terrorist attacks in New York and Washington may alter American Jewish life.

Echoes of History

Published on September 27, 2001

Ecclesiastes was right: Even in a world clouded by international terrorism, there's nothing new under the sun.

Terror, Grief and Awe

Published on September 20, 2001

In past Yom Kippurs I've been known to bring a stack of books with me to synagogue, works both historic and intellectual, to focus on when neither prayer nor imagination can fill the time. Not this year.

Fuzz

Published on September 6, 2001

A day before I left for a vacation cruise to Alaska, I looked in the mirror and spied, atop my clean, bald head -- Hair! There wasn't much of it, standing less than one-sixteenth of an inch tall. But when I ran my hand over my crown, I felt the delicious tickle of stubble.

"It's back!" I cried to my friend Susan, who was lending me a gown for the cruise's formal night. We jumped up and down the way we did in high school when the latest "he" called. I've been a cue ball since Day 12 of my first round of chemo. All my hair is gone, including eyebrows and lashes. The only really bad part, aside from looking like a Conehead, is the way drafts of cold air make my forehead feel glacial. In Alaska, I spent time looking for bald eagles, seeking to join their minyan.

And Many More

Published on August 9, 2001

There's nothing like completing chemotherapy to spice up a birthday party. Last weekend, 40 of my dearest friends performed a commemorative Havdalah ceremony to mark a really great CT scan and year 53. My "re-birthday" celebration was just the ticket, restorative not only for me but also for the extended community that has seen me through my struggle with lung cancer.