It's my opinion that none of us who are single at 40 are rocket scientists at love (or we wouldn't be so uncomfortably solitary in the first place), so drawing the weird requires a little seaside introspection, a new charting of the waves and a definite refocusing of the ship's trajectory.
As the years have gone by, I realize I'd just as soon be alone than continue to go through cycles of head-spinning effort with someone in exchange for a couple of moments of grace. So I don't do that anymore. And though this kind of spiritual honesty has created an ease in my nervous system (and a welcome death to that horrible intimate uncertainty of giving myself where it's not appreciated), I have to stop and wonder, have I become overworked and underplayed?
If dating was a simple game, we'd all travel effortless paths to love, and we'd enjoy the dating process so thoroughly as to rush toward it with glee it when it's time.